Speeches (Lines) for Antipholus of Ephesus in "The Comedy of Errors"

Luciana. Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Good Signior Angelo, you must excuse us all;
My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours:
Say that I linger'd with you at your shop
To see the making of her carcanet,
And that to-morrow you will bring it home.
But here's a villain that would face me down
He met me on the mart, and that I beat him,
And charged him with a thousand marks in gold,
And that I did deny my wife and house.
Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?

Dromio of Ephesus. Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know;
That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show:
If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave were ink,
Your own handwriting would tell you what I think.

Antipholus of Ephesus. I think thou art an ass.

Dromio of Ephesus. Marry, so it doth appear
By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear.
I should kick, being kick'd; and, being at that pass,
You would keep from my heels and beware of an ass.

Antipholus of Ephesus. You're sad, Signior Balthazar: pray God our cheer
May answer my good will and your good welcome here.

Balthazar. I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your
welcome dear.

Antipholus of Ephesus. O, Signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish,
A table full of welcome make scarce one dainty dish.

Balthazar. Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.

Antipholus of Ephesus. And welcome more common; for that's nothing but words.

Balthazar. Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest:
But though my cates be mean, take them in good part;
Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
But, soft! my door is lock'd. Go bid them let us in.

Dromio of Syracuse. [Within] Let him walk from whence he came, lest he
catch cold on's feet.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Who talks within there? ho, open the door!

Dromio of Syracuse. [Within] Right, sir; I'll tell you when, an you tell
me wherefore.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Wherefore? for my dinner: I have not dined to-day.

Dromio of Syracuse. [Within] Nor to-day here you must not; come again
when you may.

Antipholus of Ephesus. What art thou that keepest me out from the house I owe?

Dromio of Syracuse. [Within] If thy name be call'd Luce--Luce, thou hast
answered him well.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Do you hear, you minion? you'll let us in, I hope?

Dromio of Ephesus. So, come, help: well struck! there was blow for blow.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Thou baggage, let me in.

Luce. [Within] Let him knock till it ache.

Antipholus of Ephesus. You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.

Dromio of Syracuse. [Within] By my troth, your town is troubled with
unruly boys.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Are you there, wife? you might have come before.

Dromio of Ephesus. They stand at the door, master; bid them welcome hither.

Antipholus of Ephesus. There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.

Dromio of Ephesus. You would say so, master, if your garments were thin.
Your cake there is warm within; you stand here in the cold:
It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so bought and sold.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Go fetch me something: I'll break ope the gate.

Dromio of Syracuse. [Within] Ay, when fowls have no feathers and fish have no fin.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Well, I'll break in: go borrow me a crow.

Dromio of Ephesus. A crow without feather? Master, mean you so?
For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a feather;
If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow together.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Go get thee gone; fetch me an iron crow.

Balthazar. Have patience, sir; O, let it not be so!
Herein you war against your reputation
And draw within the compass of suspect
The unviolated honour of your wife.
Once this,--your long experience of her wisdom,
Her sober virtue, years and modesty,
Plead on her part some cause to you unknown:
And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
Why at this time the doors are made against you.
Be ruled by me: depart in patience,
And let us to the Tiger all to dinner,
And about evening come yourself alone
To know the reason of this strange restraint.
If by strong hand you offer to break in
Now in the stirring passage of the day,
A vulgar comment will be made of it,
And that supposed by the common rout
Against your yet ungalled estimation
That may with foul intrusion enter in
And dwell upon your grave when you are dead;
For slander lives upon succession,
For ever housed where it gets possession.

Antipholus of Ephesus. You have prevailed: I will depart in quiet,
And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry.
I know a wench of excellent discourse,
Pretty and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle:
There will we dine. This woman that I mean,
My wife--but, I protest, without desert--
Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal:
To her will we to dinner.
[To Angelo]
Get you home
And fetch the chain; by this I know 'tis made:
Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine;
For there's the house: that chain will I bestow--
Be it for nothing but to spite my wife--
Upon mine hostess there: good sir, make haste.
Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
I'll knock elsewhere, to see if they'll disdain me.

Angelo. I'll meet you at that place some hour hence.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Do so. This jest shall cost me some expense.

Officer. That labour may you save: see where he comes.

Antipholus of Ephesus. While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou
And buy a rope's end: that will I bestow
Among my wife and her confederates,
For locking me out of my doors by day.
But, soft! I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone;
Buy thou a rope and bring it home to me.

Dromio of Ephesus. I buy a thousand pound a year: I buy a rope.

Antipholus of Ephesus. A man is well holp up that trusts to you:
I promised your presence and the chain;
But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.
Belike you thought our love would last too long,
If it were chain'd together, and therefore came not.

Angelo. Saving your merry humour, here's the note
How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,
The fineness of the gold and chargeful fashion.
Which doth amount to three odd ducats more
Than I stand debted to this gentleman:
I pray you, see him presently discharged,
For he is bound to sea and stays but for it.

Antipholus of Ephesus. I am not furnish'd with the present money;
Besides, I have some business in the town.
Good signior, take the stranger to my house
And with you take the chain and bid my wife
Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof:
Perchance I will be there as soon as you.

Angelo. Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?

Antipholus of Ephesus. No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.

Angelo. Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?

Antipholus of Ephesus. An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;
Or else you may return without your money.

Angelo. Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain:
Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
And I, to blame, have held him here too long.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Good Lord! you use this dalliance to excuse
Your breach of promise to the Porpentine.
I should have chid you for not bringing it,
But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.

Angelo. You hear how he importunes me;--the chain!

Antipholus of Ephesus. Why, give it to my wife and fetch your money.

Angelo. Come, come, you know I gave it you even now.
Either send the chain or send me by some token.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Fie, now you run this humour out of breath,
where's the chain? I pray you, let me see it.

Second Merchant. My business cannot brook this dalliance.
Good sir, say whether you'll answer me or no:
If not, I'll leave him to the officer.

Antipholus of Ephesus. I answer you! what should I answer you?

Angelo. The money that you owe me for the chain.

Antipholus of Ephesus. I owe you none till I receive the chain.

Angelo. You know I gave it you half an hour since.

Antipholus of Ephesus. You gave me none: you wrong me much to say so.

Angelo. This touches me in reputation.
Either consent to pay this sum for me
Or I attach you by this officer.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Consent to pay thee that I never had!
Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou darest.

Officer. I do arrest you, sir: you hear the suit.

Antipholus of Ephesus. I do obey thee till I give thee bail.
But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear
As all the metal in your shop will answer.

Dromio of Syracuse. Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum
That stays but till her owner comes aboard,
And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir,
I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought
The oil, the balsamum and aqua-vitae.
The ship is in her trim; the merry wind
Blows fair from land: they stay for nought at all
But for their owner, master, and yourself.

Antipholus of Ephesus. How now! a madman! Why, thou peevish sheep,
What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?

Dromio of Syracuse. A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope;
And told thee to what purpose and what end.

Dromio of Syracuse. You sent me for a rope's end as soon:
You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.

Antipholus of Ephesus. I will debate this matter at more leisure
And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight:
Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk
That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry,
There is a purse of ducats; let her send it:
Tell her I am arrested in the street
And that shall bail me; hie thee, slave, be gone!
On, officer, to prison till it come.
[Exeunt Second Merchant, Angelo, Officer, and]
Antipholus of Ephesus]

Courtezan. Now, out of doubt Antipholus is mad,
Else would he never so demean himself.
A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
And for the same he promised me a chain:
Both one and other he denies me now.
The reason that I gather he is mad,
Besides this present instance of his rage,
Is a mad tale he told to-day at dinner,
Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
On purpose shut the doors against his way.
My way is now to hie home to his house,
And tell his wife that, being lunatic,
He rush'd into my house and took perforce
My ring away. This course I fittest choose;
For forty ducats is too much to lose.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Fear me not, man; I will not break away:
I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,
To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for.
My wife is in a wayward mood to-day,
And will not lightly trust the messenger
That I should be attach'd in Ephesus,
I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears.
[Enter DROMIO of Ephesus with a rope's-end]
Here comes my man; I think he brings the money.
How now, sir! have you that I sent you for?

Dromio of Ephesus. Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.

Antipholus of Ephesus. But where's the money?

Dromio of Ephesus. Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?

Dromio of Ephesus. I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.

Antipholus of Ephesus. To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?

Dromio of Ephesus. To a rope's-end, sir; and to that end am I returned.

Antipholus of Ephesus. And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.

Dromio of Ephesus. Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Thou whoreson, senseless villain!

Dromio of Ephesus. I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel
your blows.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an
ass.

Dromio of Ephesus. I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long
ears. I have served him from the hour of my
nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his
hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he
heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me
with beating; I am waked with it when I sleep;
raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with
it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when
I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a
beggar wont her brat; and, I think when he hath
lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.

Dromio of Ephesus. Mistress, 'respice finem,' respect your end; or
rather, the prophecy like the parrot, 'beware the
rope's-end.'

Antipholus of Ephesus. Wilt thou still talk?

Pinch. Give me your hand and let me feel your pulse.

Antipholus of Ephesus. There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.

Pinch. I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man,
To yield possession to my holy prayers
And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight:
I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven!

Antipholus of Ephesus. Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad.

Adriana. O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!

Antipholus of Ephesus. You minion, you, are these your customers?
Did this companion with the saffron face
Revel and feast it at my house to-day,
Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut
And I denied to enter in my house?

Adriana. O husband, God doth know you dined at home;
Where would you had remain'd until this time,
Free from these slanders and this open shame!

Antipholus of Ephesus. Dined at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou?

Dromio of Ephesus. Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Were not my doors lock'd up and I shut out?

Dromio of Ephesus. Perdie, your doors were lock'd and you shut out.

Antipholus of Ephesus. And did not she herself revile me there?

Dromio of Ephesus. Sans fable, she herself reviled you there.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

Dromio of Ephesus. Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn'd you.

Antipholus of Ephesus. And did not I in rage depart from thence?

Pinch. It is no shame: the fellow finds his vein,
And yielding to him humours well his frenzy.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Thou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me.

Dromio of Ephesus. Money by me! heart and goodwill you might;
But surely master, not a rag of money.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Went'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?

Pinch. Mistress, both man and master is possess'd;
I know it by their pale and deadly looks:
They must be bound and laid in some dark room.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day?
And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?

Adriana. Dissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all;
And art confederate with a damned pack
To make a loathsome abject scorn of me:
But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes
That would behold in me this shameful sport.
[Enter three or four, and offer to bind him.]
He strives]

Luciana. Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!

Antipholus of Ephesus. What, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou,
I am thy prisoner: wilt thou suffer them
To make a rescue?

Adriana. I will discharge thee ere I go from thee:
Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,
And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.
Good master doctor, see him safe convey'd
Home to my house. O most unhappy day!

Antipholus of Ephesus. O most unhappy strumpet!

Dromio of Ephesus. Master, I am here entered in bond for you.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Out on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me?

Adriana. Ay me, it is my husband! Witness you,
That he is borne about invisible:
Even now we housed him in the abbey here;
And now he's there, past thought of human reason.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Justice, most gracious duke, O, grant me justice!
Even for the service that long since I did thee,
When I bestrid thee in the wars and took
Deep scars to save thy life; even for the blood
That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice.

Aegeon. Unless the fear of death doth make me dote,
I see my son Antipholus and Dromio.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there!
She whom thou gavest to me to be my wife,
That hath abused and dishonour'd me
Even in the strength and height of injury!
Beyond imagination is the wrong
That she this day hath shameless thrown on me.

Solinus. Discover how, and thou shalt find me just.

Antipholus of Ephesus. This day, great duke, she shut the doors upon me,
While she with harlots feasted in my house.

Angelo. O perjured woman! They are both forsworn:
In this the madman justly chargeth them.

Antipholus of Ephesus. My liege, I am advised what I say,
Neither disturbed with the effect of wine,
Nor heady-rash, provoked with raging ire,
Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad.
This woman lock'd me out this day from dinner:
That goldsmith there, were he not pack'd with her,
Could witness it, for he was with me then;
Who parted with me to go fetch a chain,
Promising to bring it to the Porpentine,
Where Balthazar and I did dine together.
Our dinner done, and he not coming thither,
I went to seek him: in the street I met him
And in his company that gentleman.
There did this perjured goldsmith swear me down
That I this day of him received the chain,
Which, God he knows, I saw not: for the which
He did arrest me with an officer.
I did obey, and sent my peasant home
For certain ducats: he with none return'd
Then fairly I bespoke the officer
To go in person with me to my house.
By the way we met
My wife, her sister, and a rabble more
Of vile confederates. Along with them
They brought one Pinch, a hungry lean-faced villain,
A mere anatomy, a mountebank,
A threadbare juggler and a fortune-teller,
A needy, hollow-eyed, sharp-looking wretch,
A dead-looking man: this pernicious slave,
Forsooth, took on him as a conjurer,
And, gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse,
And with no face, as 'twere, outfacing me,
Cries out, I was possess'd. Then all together
They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence
And in a dark and dankish vault at home
There left me and my man, both bound together;
Till, gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,
I gain'd my freedom, and immediately
Ran hither to your grace; whom I beseech
To give me ample satisfaction
For these deep shames and great indignities.

Second Merchant. Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mine
Heard you confess you had the chain of him
After you first forswore it on the mart:
And thereupon I drew my sword on you;
And then you fled into this abbey here,
From whence, I think, you are come by miracle.

Antipholus of Ephesus. I never came within these abbey-walls,
Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me:
I never saw the chain, so help me Heaven!
And this is false you burden me withal.

Courtezan. He did, and from my finger snatch'd that ring.

Antipholus of Ephesus. 'Tis true, my liege; this ring I had of her.

Aegeon. Why look you strange on me? you know me well.

Antipholus of Ephesus. I never saw you in my life till now.

Aegeon. O, grief hath changed me since you saw me last,
And careful hours with time's deformed hand
Have written strange defeatures in my face:
But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?

Antipholus of Ephesus. Neither.

Aegeon. Not know my voice! O time's extremity,
Hast thou so crack'd and splitted my poor tongue
In seven short years, that here my only son
Knows not my feeble key of untuned cares?
Though now this grained face of mine be hid
In sap-consuming winter's drizzled snow,
And all the conduits of my blood froze up,
Yet hath my night of life some memory,
My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left,
My dull deaf ears a little use to hear:
All these old witnesses--I cannot err--
Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.

Antipholus of Ephesus. I never saw my father in my life.

Aegeon. But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy,
Thou know'st we parted: but perhaps, my son,
Thou shamest to acknowledge me in misery.

Antipholus of Ephesus. The duke and all that know me in the city
Can witness with me that it is not so
I ne'er saw Syracusa in my life.

Solinus. Stay, stand apart; I know not which is which.

Antipholus of Ephesus. I came from Corinth, my most gracious lord,--

Dromio of Ephesus. And I with him.

Antipholus of Ephesus. Brought to this town by that most famous warrior,
Duke Menaphon, your most renowned uncle.

Adriana. And are not you my husband?

Antipholus of Ephesus. No; I say nay to that.

Antipholus of Syracuse. I think it be, sir; I deny it not.

Antipholus of Ephesus. And you, sir, for this chain arrested me.

Antipholus of Syracuse. This purse of ducats I received from you,
And Dromio, my man, did bring them me.
I see we still did meet each other's man,
And I was ta'en for him, and he for me,
And thereupon these errors are arose.

Antipholus of Ephesus. These ducats pawn I for my father here.

Courtezan. Sir, I must have that diamond from you.

Antipholus of Ephesus. There, take it; and much thanks for my good cheer.

Dromio of Syracuse. Master, shall I fetch your stuff from shipboard?

Antipholus of Ephesus. Dromio, what stuff of mine hast thou embark'd?