Speeches (Lines) for Feste in "Twelfth Night; or, What You Will"

Total: 104
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# Act / Scene Speech text
1 I / 5
  • Let her hang me: he that is well hanged in this
    world needs to fear no colou...
  • Let her hang me: he that is well hanged in this
    world needs to fear no colours.
  • Maria. Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will
    not open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter in
    way of thy excuse: my lady will hang thee for thy absence.

    Feste. Let her hang me: he that is well hanged in this
    world needs to fear no colours.

2 I / 5
  • He shall see none to fear.
  • He shall see none to fear.
  • Maria. Make that good.

    Feste. He shall see none to fear.

3 I / 5
  • Where, good Mistress Mary?
  • Where, good Mistress Mary?
  • Maria. A good lenten answer: I can tell thee where that
    saying was born, of 'I fear no colours.'

    Feste. Where, good Mistress Mary?

4 I / 5
  • Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those
    that are fools, let them...
  • Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those
    that are fools, let them use their talents.
  • Maria. In the wars; and that may you be bold to say in your foolery.

    Feste. Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those
    that are fools, let them use their talents.

5 I / 5
  • Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and,
    for turning away, let summ...
  • Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and,
    for turning away, let summer bear it out.
  • Maria. Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent; or,
    to be turned away, is not that as good as a hanging to you?

    Feste. Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and,
    for turning away, let summer bear it out.

6 I / 5
  • Not so, neither; but I am resolved on two points.
  • Not so, neither; but I am resolved on two points.
  • Maria. You are resolute, then?

    Feste. Not so, neither; but I am resolved on two points.

7 I / 5
  • Apt, in good faith; very apt. Well, go thy way; if
    Sir Toby would leave drin...
  • Apt, in good faith; very apt. Well, go thy way; if
    Sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a
    piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria.
  • Maria. That if one break, the other will hold; or, if both
    break, your gaskins fall.

    Feste. Apt, in good faith; very apt. Well, go thy way; if
    Sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a
    piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria.

8 I / 5
  • Wit, an't be thy will, put me into good fooling!
    Those wits, that think they...
  • Wit, an't be thy will, put me into good fooling!
    Those wits, that think they have thee, do very oft
    prove fools; and I, that am sure I lack thee, may
    pass for a wise man: for what says Quinapalus?
    'Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.'
    [Enter OLIVIA with MALVOLIO]
    God bless thee, lady!
  • Maria. Peace, you rogue, no more o' that. Here comes my
    lady: make your excuse wisely, you were best.

    Feste. Wit, an't be thy will, put me into good fooling!
    Those wits, that think they have thee, do very oft
    prove fools; and I, that am sure I lack thee, may
    pass for a wise man: for what says Quinapalus?
    'Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.'
    [Enter OLIVIA with MALVOLIO]
    God bless thee, lady!

9 I / 5
  • Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.
  • Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.
  • Olivia. Take the fool away.

    Feste. Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.

10 I / 5
  • Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel
    will amend: for give the dr...
  • Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel
    will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is
    the fool not dry: bid the dishonest man mend
    himself; if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if
    he cannot, let the botcher mend him. Any thing
    that's mended is but patched: virtue that
    transgresses is but patched with sin; and sin that
    amends is but patched with virtue. If that this
    simple syllogism will serve, so; if it will not,
    what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but
    calamity, so beauty's a flower. The lady bade take
    away the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away.
  • Olivia. Go to, you're a dry fool; I'll no more of you:
    besides, you grow dishonest.

    Feste. Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel
    will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is
    the fool not dry: bid the dishonest man mend
    himself; if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if
    he cannot, let the botcher mend him. Any thing
    that's mended is but patched: virtue that
    transgresses is but patched with sin; and sin that
    amends is but patched with virtue. If that this
    simple syllogism will serve, so; if it will not,
    what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but
    calamity, so beauty's a flower. The lady bade take
    away the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away.

11 I / 5
  • Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus non
    facit monachum; that's...
  • Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus non
    facit monachum; that's as much to say as I wear not
    motley in my brain. Good madonna, give me leave to
    prove you a fool.
  • Olivia. Sir, I bade them take away you.

    Feste. Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus non
    facit monachum; that's as much to say as I wear not
    motley in my brain. Good madonna, give me leave to
    prove you a fool.

12 I / 5
  • Dexterously, good madonna.
  • Dexterously, good madonna.
  • Olivia. Can you do it?

    Feste. Dexterously, good madonna.

13 I / 5
  • I must catechise you for it, madonna: good my mouse
    of virtue, answer me.
  • I must catechise you for it, madonna: good my mouse
    of virtue, answer me.
  • Olivia. Make your proof.

    Feste. I must catechise you for it, madonna: good my mouse
    of virtue, answer me.

14 I / 5
  • Good madonna, why mournest thou?
  • Good madonna, why mournest thou?
  • Olivia. Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'll bide your proof.

    Feste. Good madonna, why mournest thou?

15 I / 5
  • I think his soul is in hell, madonna.
  • I think his soul is in hell, madonna.
  • Olivia. Good fool, for my brother's death.

    Feste. I think his soul is in hell, madonna.

16 I / 5
  • The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother's
    soul being in heaven. Ta...
  • The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother's
    soul being in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen.
  • Olivia. I know his soul is in heaven, fool.

    Feste. The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother's
    soul being in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen.

17 I / 5
  • God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the
    better increasing your folly!...
  • God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the
    better increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be
    sworn that I am no fox; but he will not pass his
    word for two pence that you are no fool.
  • Malvolio. Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death shake him:
    infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the
    better fool.

    Feste. God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity, for the
    better increasing your folly! Sir Toby will be
    sworn that I am no fox; but he will not pass his
    word for two pence that you are no fool.

18 I / 5
  • Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou
    speakest well of fools!
  • Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou
    speakest well of fools!
  • Olivia. Oh, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and taste
    with a distempered appetite. To be generous,
    guiltless and of free disposition, is to take those
    things for bird-bolts that you deem cannon-bullets:
    there is no slander in an allowed fool, though he do
    nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known discreet
    man, though he do nothing but reprove.

    Feste. Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou
    speakest well of fools!

19 I / 5
  • Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest
    son should be a fool; whos...
  • Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest
    son should be a fool; whose skull Jove cram with
    brains! for,--here he comes,--one of thy kin has a
    most weak pia mater.
  • Olivia. Fetch him off, I pray you; he speaks nothing but
    madman: fie on him!
    [Exit MARIA]
    Go you, Malvolio: if it be a suit from the count, I
    am sick, or not at home; what you will, to dismiss it.
    [Exit MALVOLIO]
    Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old, and
    people dislike it.

    Feste. Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest
    son should be a fool; whose skull Jove cram with
    brains! for,--here he comes,--one of thy kin has a
    most weak pia mater.

20 I / 5
  • Good Sir Toby!
  • Good Sir Toby!
  • Sir Toby Belch. 'Tis a gentle man here--a plague o' these
    pickle-herring! How now, sot!

    Feste. Good Sir Toby!

21 I / 5
  • Like a drowned man, a fool and a mad man: one
    draught above heat makes him a...
  • Like a drowned man, a fool and a mad man: one
    draught above heat makes him a fool; the second mads
    him; and a third drowns him.
  • Olivia. What's a drunken man like, fool?

    Feste. Like a drowned man, a fool and a mad man: one
    draught above heat makes him a fool; the second mads
    him; and a third drowns him.

22 I / 5
  • He is but mad yet, madonna; and the fool shall look
    to the madman.
  • He is but mad yet, madonna; and the fool shall look
    to the madman.
  • Olivia. Go thou and seek the crowner, and let him sit o' my
    coz; for he's in the third degree of drink, he's
    drowned: go, look after him.

    Feste. He is but mad yet, madonna; and the fool shall look
    to the madman.

23 II / 3
  • How now, my hearts! did you never see the picture
    of 'we three'?
  • How now, my hearts! did you never see the picture
    of 'we three'?
  • Sir Andrew Aguecheek. Here comes the fool, i' faith.

    Feste. How now, my hearts! did you never see the picture
    of 'we three'?

24 II / 3
  • I did impeticos thy gratillity; for Malvolio's nose
    is no whipstock: my lady...
  • I did impeticos thy gratillity; for Malvolio's nose
    is no whipstock: my lady has a white hand, and the
    Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.
  • Sir Andrew Aguecheek. By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. I
    had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg,
    and so sweet a breath to sing, as the fool has. In
    sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last
    night, when thou spokest of Pigrogromitus, of the
    Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus: 'twas
    very good, i' faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy
    leman: hadst it?

    Feste. I did impeticos thy gratillity; for Malvolio's nose
    is no whipstock: my lady has a white hand, and the
    Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.

25 II / 3
  • Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?
  • Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?
  • Sir Andrew Aguecheek. There's a testril of me too: if one knight give a--

    Feste. Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?

26 II / 3
  • [Sings]
    O mistress mine, where are you roaming?
    O, stay and hear; your t...
  • [Sings]
    O mistress mine, where are you roaming?
    O, stay and hear; your true love's coming,
    That can sing both high and low:
    Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
    Journeys end in lovers meeting,
    Every wise man's son doth know.
  • Sir Andrew Aguecheek. Ay, ay: I care not for good life.

    Feste. [Sings]
    O mistress mine, where are you roaming?
    O, stay and hear; your true love's coming,
    That can sing both high and low:
    Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
    Journeys end in lovers meeting,
    Every wise man's son doth know.

27 II / 3
  • [Sings]
    What is love? 'tis not hereafter;
    Present mirth hath present lau...
  • [Sings]
    What is love? 'tis not hereafter;
    Present mirth hath present laughter;
    What's to come is still unsure:
    In delay there lies no plenty;
    Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty,
    Youth's a stuff will not endure.
  • Sir Toby Belch. Good, good.

    Feste. [Sings]
    What is love? 'tis not hereafter;
    Present mirth hath present laughter;
    What's to come is still unsure:
    In delay there lies no plenty;
    Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty,
    Youth's a stuff will not endure.

28 II / 3
  • By'r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.
  • By'r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.
  • Sir Andrew Aguecheek. An you love me, let's do't: I am dog at a catch.

    Feste. By'r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.

29 II / 3
  • 'Hold thy peace, thou knave,' knight? I shall be
    constrained in't to call th...
  • 'Hold thy peace, thou knave,' knight? I shall be
    constrained in't to call thee knave, knight.
  • Sir Andrew Aguecheek. Most certain. Let our catch be, 'Thou knave.'

    Feste. 'Hold thy peace, thou knave,' knight? I shall be
    constrained in't to call thee knave, knight.

30 II / 3
  • I shall never begin if I hold my peace.
  • I shall never begin if I hold my peace.
  • Sir Andrew Aguecheek. 'Tis not the first time I have constrained one to
    call me knave. Begin, fool: it begins 'Hold thy peace.'

    Feste. I shall never begin if I hold my peace.

31 II / 3
  • Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling.
  • Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling.
  • Sir Toby Belch. My lady's a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio's
    a Peg-a-Ramsey, and 'Three merry men be we.' Am not
    I consanguineous? am I not of her blood?
    Tillyvally. Lady!
    [Sings]
    'There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady!'

    Feste. Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling.

32 II / 3
  • 'His eyes do show his days are almost done.'
  • 'His eyes do show his days are almost done.'
  • Maria. Nay, good Sir Toby.

    Feste. 'His eyes do show his days are almost done.'

33 II / 3
  • Sir Toby, there you lie.
  • Sir Toby, there you lie.
  • Sir Toby Belch. 'But I will never die.'

    Feste. Sir Toby, there you lie.

34 II / 3
  • 'What an if you do?'
  • 'What an if you do?'
  • Sir Toby Belch. 'Shall I bid him go?'

    Feste. 'What an if you do?'

35 II / 3
  • 'O no, no, no, no, you dare not.'
  • 'O no, no, no, no, you dare not.'
  • Sir Toby Belch. 'Shall I bid him go, and spare not?'

    Feste. 'O no, no, no, no, you dare not.'

36 II / 3
  • Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i' the
    mouth too.
  • Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i' the
    mouth too.
  • Sir Toby Belch. Out o' tune, sir: ye lie. Art any more than a
    steward? Dost thou think, because thou art
    virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?

    Feste. Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i' the
    mouth too.

37 II / 4
  • Are you ready, sir?
  • Are you ready, sir?
  • Orsino. O, fellow, come, the song we had last night.
    Mark it, Cesario, it is old and plain;
    The spinsters and the knitters in the sun
    And the free maids that weave their thread with bones
    Do use to chant it: it is silly sooth,
    And dallies with the innocence of love,
    Like the old age.

    Feste. Are you ready, sir?

38 II / 4
  • Come away, come away, death,
    And in sad cypress let me be laid;
    Fly away...
  • Come away, come away, death,
    And in sad cypress let me be laid;
    Fly away, fly away breath;
    I am slain by a fair cruel maid.
    My shroud of white, stuck all with yew,
    O, prepare it!
    My part of death, no one so true
    Did share it.
    Not a flower, not a flower sweet
    On my black coffin let there be strown;
    Not a friend, not a friend greet
    My poor corpse, where my bones shall be thrown:
    A thousand thousand sighs to save,
    Lay me, O, where
    Sad true lover never find my grave,
    To weep there!
  • Orsino. Ay; prithee, sing.
    [Music]
    SONG.

    Feste. Come away, come away, death,
    And in sad cypress let me be laid;
    Fly away, fly away breath;
    I am slain by a fair cruel maid.
    My shroud of white, stuck all with yew,
    O, prepare it!
    My part of death, no one so true
    Did share it.
    Not a flower, not a flower sweet
    On my black coffin let there be strown;
    Not a friend, not a friend greet
    My poor corpse, where my bones shall be thrown:
    A thousand thousand sighs to save,
    Lay me, O, where
    Sad true lover never find my grave,
    To weep there!

39 II / 4
  • No pains, sir: I take pleasure in singing, sir.
  • No pains, sir: I take pleasure in singing, sir.
  • Orsino. There's for thy pains.

    Feste. No pains, sir: I take pleasure in singing, sir.

40 II / 4
  • Truly, sir, and pleasure will be paid, one time or another.
  • Truly, sir, and pleasure will be paid, one time or another.
  • Orsino. I'll pay thy pleasure then.

    Feste. Truly, sir, and pleasure will be paid, one time or another.

41 II / 4
  • Now, the melancholy god protect thee; and the
    tailor make thy doublet of cha...
  • Now, the melancholy god protect thee; and the
    tailor make thy doublet of changeable taffeta, for
    thy mind is a very opal. I would have men of such
    constancy put to sea, that their business might be
    every thing and their intent every where; for that's
    it that always makes a good voyage of nothing. Farewell.
  • Orsino. Give me now leave to leave thee.

    Feste. Now, the melancholy god protect thee; and the
    tailor make thy doublet of changeable taffeta, for
    thy mind is a very opal. I would have men of such
    constancy put to sea, that their business might be
    every thing and their intent every where; for that's
    it that always makes a good voyage of nothing. Farewell.

42 III / 1
  • No, sir, I live by the church.
  • No, sir, I live by the church.
  • Viola. Save thee, friend, and thy music: dost thou live by
    thy tabour?

    Feste. No, sir, I live by the church.

43 III / 1
  • No such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for
    I do live at my house, and...
  • No such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for
    I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by
    the church.
  • Viola. Art thou a churchman?

    Feste. No such matter, sir: I do live by the church; for
    I do live at my house, and my house doth stand by
    the church.

44 III / 1
  • You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is
    but a cheveril glove to a...
  • You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is
    but a cheveril glove to a good wit: how quickly the
    wrong side may be turned outward!
  • Viola. So thou mayst say, the king lies by a beggar, if a
    beggar dwell near him; or, the church stands by thy
    tabour, if thy tabour stand by the church.

    Feste. You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is
    but a cheveril glove to a good wit: how quickly the
    wrong side may be turned outward!

45 III / 1
  • I would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir.
  • I would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir.
  • Viola. Nay, that's certain; they that dally nicely with
    words may quickly make them wanton.

    Feste. I would, therefore, my sister had had no name, sir.

46 III / 1
  • Why, sir, her name's a word; and to dally with that
    word might make my siste...
  • Why, sir, her name's a word; and to dally with that
    word might make my sister wanton. But indeed words
    are very rascals since bonds disgraced them.
  • Viola. Why, man?

    Feste. Why, sir, her name's a word; and to dally with that
    word might make my sister wanton. But indeed words
    are very rascals since bonds disgraced them.

47 III / 1
  • Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words; and
    words are grown so false...
  • Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words; and
    words are grown so false, I am loath to prove
    reason with them.
  • Viola. Thy reason, man?

    Feste. Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words; and
    words are grown so false, I am loath to prove
    reason with them.

48 III / 1
  • Not so, sir, I do care for something; but in my
    conscience, sir, I do not ca...
  • Not so, sir, I do care for something; but in my
    conscience, sir, I do not care for you: if that be
    to care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible.
  • Viola. I warrant thou art a merry fellow and carest for nothing.

    Feste. Not so, sir, I do care for something; but in my
    conscience, sir, I do not care for you: if that be
    to care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you invisible.

49 III / 1
  • No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly: she
    will keep no fool, sir, t...
  • No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly: she
    will keep no fool, sir, till she be married; and
    fools are as like husbands as pilchards are to
    herrings; the husband's the bigger: I am indeed not
    her fool, but her corrupter of words.
  • Viola. Art not thou the Lady Olivia's fool?

    Feste. No, indeed, sir; the Lady Olivia has no folly: she
    will keep no fool, sir, till she be married; and
    fools are as like husbands as pilchards are to
    herrings; the husband's the bigger: I am indeed not
    her fool, but her corrupter of words.

50 III / 1
  • Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun,
    it shines every where. I...
  • Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun,
    it shines every where. I would be sorry, sir, but
    the fool should be as oft with your master as with
    my mistress: I think I saw your wisdom there.
  • Viola. I saw thee late at the Count Orsino's.

    Feste. Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun,
    it shines every where. I would be sorry, sir, but
    the fool should be as oft with your master as with
    my mistress: I think I saw your wisdom there.

51 III / 1
  • Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard!
  • Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard!
  • Viola. Nay, an thou pass upon me, I'll no more with thee.
    Hold, there's expenses for thee.

    Feste. Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard!

52 III / 1
  • Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?
  • Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?
  • Viola. By my troth, I'll tell thee, I am almost sick for
    one;
    [Aside]
    though I would not have it grow on my chin. Is thy
    lady within?

    Feste. Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?

53 III / 1
  • I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring
    a Cressida to this Troi...
  • I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring
    a Cressida to this Troilus.
  • Viola. Yes, being kept together and put to use.

    Feste. I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring
    a Cressida to this Troilus.

54 III / 1
  • The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but
    a beggar: Cressida was a...
  • The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but
    a beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is
    within, sir. I will construe to them whence you
    come; who you are and what you would are out of my
    welkin, I might say 'element,' but the word is over-worn.
  • Viola. I understand you, sir; 'tis well begged.

    Feste. The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but
    a beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is
    within, sir. I will construe to them whence you
    come; who you are and what you would are out of my
    welkin, I might say 'element,' but the word is over-worn.

55 IV / 1
  • Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?
  • Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?
  • Sir Toby Belch. I dare lay any money 'twill be nothing yet.

    Feste. Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?

56 IV / 1
  • Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor
    I am not sent to you by...
  • Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor
    I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come
    speak with her; nor your name is not Master Cesario;
    nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so is so.
  • Sebastian. Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow:
    Let me be clear of thee.

    Feste. Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor
    I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come
    speak with her; nor your name is not Master Cesario;
    nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so is so.

57 IV / 1
  • Vent my folly! he has heard that word of some
    great man and now applies it t...
  • Vent my folly! he has heard that word of some
    great man and now applies it to a fool. Vent my
    folly! I am afraid this great lubber, the world,
    will prove a cockney. I prithee now, ungird thy
    strangeness and tell me what I shall vent to my
    lady: shall I vent to her that thou art coming?
  • Sebastian. I prithee, vent thy folly somewhere else: Thou
    know'st not me.

    Feste. Vent my folly! he has heard that word of some
    great man and now applies it to a fool. Vent my
    folly! I am afraid this great lubber, the world,
    will prove a cockney. I prithee now, ungird thy
    strangeness and tell me what I shall vent to my
    lady: shall I vent to her that thou art coming?

58 IV / 1
  • By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise men
    that give fools money ge...
  • By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise men
    that give fools money get themselves a good
    report--after fourteen years' purchase.
  • Sebastian. I prithee, foolish Greek, depart from me: There's
    money for thee: if you tarry longer, I shall give
    worse payment.

    Feste. By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise men
    that give fools money get themselves a good
    report--after fourteen years' purchase.

59 IV / 1
  • This will I tell my lady straight: I would not be
    in some of your coats for...
  • This will I tell my lady straight: I would not be
    in some of your coats for two pence.
  • Sir Toby Belch. Hold, sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the house.

    Feste. This will I tell my lady straight: I would not be
    in some of your coats for two pence.

60 IV / 2
  • Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself
    in't; and I would I were t...
  • Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself
    in't; and I would I were the first that ever
    dissembled in such a gown. I am not tall enough to
    become the function well, nor lean enough to be
    thought a good student; but to be said an honest man
    and a good housekeeper goes as fairly as to say a
    careful man and a great scholar. The competitors enter.
  • Maria. Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard;
    make him believe thou art Sir Topas the curate: do
    it quickly; I'll call Sir Toby the whilst.

    Feste. Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself
    in't; and I would I were the first that ever
    dissembled in such a gown. I am not tall enough to
    become the function well, nor lean enough to be
    thought a good student; but to be said an honest man
    and a good housekeeper goes as fairly as to say a
    careful man and a great scholar. The competitors enter.

61 IV / 2
  • Bonos dies, Sir Toby: for, as the old hermit of
    Prague, that never saw pen a...
  • Bonos dies, Sir Toby: for, as the old hermit of
    Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily
    said to a niece of King Gorboduc, 'That that is is;'
    so I, being Master Parson, am Master Parson; for,
    what is 'that' but 'that,' and 'is' but 'is'?
  • Sir Toby Belch. Jove bless thee, master Parson.

    Feste. Bonos dies, Sir Toby: for, as the old hermit of
    Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily
    said to a niece of King Gorboduc, 'That that is is;'
    so I, being Master Parson, am Master Parson; for,
    what is 'that' but 'that,' and 'is' but 'is'?

62 IV / 2
  • What, ho, I say! peace in this prison!
  • What, ho, I say! peace in this prison!
  • Sir Toby Belch. To him, Sir Topas.

    Feste. What, ho, I say! peace in this prison!

63 IV / 2
  • Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio
    the lunatic.
  • Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio
    the lunatic.
  • Malvolio. [Within] Who calls there?

    Feste. Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio
    the lunatic.

64 IV / 2
  • Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man!
    talkest thou nothing but...
  • Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man!
    talkest thou nothing but of ladies?
  • Malvolio. Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.

    Feste. Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man!
    talkest thou nothing but of ladies?

65 IV / 2
  • Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most
    modest terms; for I am on...
  • Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most
    modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones
    that will use the devil himself with courtesy:
    sayest thou that house is dark?
  • Malvolio. Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged: good Sir
    Topas, do not think I am mad: they have laid me
    here in hideous darkness.

    Feste. Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most
    modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones
    that will use the devil himself with courtesy:
    sayest thou that house is dark?

66 IV / 2
  • Why it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes,
    and the clearstores towa...
  • Why it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes,
    and the clearstores toward the south north are as
    lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of
    obstruction?
  • Malvolio. As hell, Sir Topas.

    Feste. Why it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes,
    and the clearstores toward the south north are as
    lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of
    obstruction?

67 IV / 2
  • Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness
    but ignorance; in which tho...
  • Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness
    but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than
    the Egyptians in their fog.
  • Malvolio. I am not mad, Sir Topas: I say to you, this house is dark.

    Feste. Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness
    but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than
    the Egyptians in their fog.

68 IV / 2
  • What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild fowl?
  • What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild fowl?
  • Malvolio. I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though
    ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there
    was never man thus abused. I am no more mad than you
    are: make the trial of it in any constant question.

    Feste. What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild fowl?

69 IV / 2
  • What thinkest thou of his opinion?
  • What thinkest thou of his opinion?
  • Malvolio. That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.

    Feste. What thinkest thou of his opinion?

70 IV / 2
  • Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness:
    thou shalt hold the opinion o...
  • Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness:
    thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras ere I will
    allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock, lest
    thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.
  • Malvolio. I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.

    Feste. Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness:
    thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras ere I will
    allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock, lest
    thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.

71 IV / 2
  • Nay, I am for all waters.
  • Nay, I am for all waters.
  • Sir Toby Belch. My most exquisite Sir Topas!

    Feste. Nay, I am for all waters.

72 IV / 2
  • [Singing]
    'Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,
    Tell me how thy lady does.'
  • [Singing]
    'Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,
    Tell me how thy lady does.'
  • Sir Toby Belch. To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how
    thou findest him: I would we were well rid of this
    knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I
    would he were, for I am now so far in offence with
    my niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this
    sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber.

    Feste. [Singing]
    'Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,
    Tell me how thy lady does.'

73 IV / 2
  • 'My lady is unkind, perdy.'
  • 'My lady is unkind, perdy.'
  • Malvolio. Fool!

    Feste. 'My lady is unkind, perdy.'

74 IV / 2
  • 'Alas, why is she so?'
  • 'Alas, why is she so?'
  • Malvolio. Fool!

    Feste. 'Alas, why is she so?'

75 IV / 2
  • 'She loves another'--Who calls, ha?
  • 'She loves another'--Who calls, ha?
  • Malvolio. Fool, I say!

    Feste. 'She loves another'--Who calls, ha?

76 IV / 2
  • Master Malvolio?
  • Master Malvolio?
  • Malvolio. Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my
    hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink and paper:
    as I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to
    thee for't.

    Feste. Master Malvolio?

77 IV / 2
  • Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?
  • Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?
  • Malvolio. Ay, good fool.

    Feste. Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?

78 IV / 2
  • But as well? then you are mad indeed, if you be no
    better in your wits than...
  • But as well? then you are mad indeed, if you be no
    better in your wits than a fool.
  • Malvolio. Fool, there was never a man so notoriously abused: I
    am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art.

    Feste. But as well? then you are mad indeed, if you be no
    better in your wits than a fool.

79 IV / 2
  • Advise you what you say; the minister is here.
    Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits...
  • Advise you what you say; the minister is here.
    Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore!
    endeavour thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain
    bibble babble.
  • Malvolio. They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness,
    send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to
    face me out of my wits.

    Feste. Advise you what you say; the minister is here.
    Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore!
    endeavour thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain
    bibble babble.

80 IV / 2
  • Maintain no words with him, good fellow. Who, I,
    sir? not I, sir. God be wi'...
  • Maintain no words with him, good fellow. Who, I,
    sir? not I, sir. God be wi' you, good Sir Topas.
    Merry, amen. I will, sir, I will.
  • Malvolio. Sir Topas!

    Feste. Maintain no words with him, good fellow. Who, I,
    sir? not I, sir. God be wi' you, good Sir Topas.
    Merry, amen. I will, sir, I will.

81 IV / 2
  • Alas, sir, be patient. What say you sir? I am
    shent for speaking to you.
  • Alas, sir, be patient. What say you sir? I am
    shent for speaking to you.
  • Malvolio. Fool, fool, fool, I say!

    Feste. Alas, sir, be patient. What say you sir? I am
    shent for speaking to you.

82 IV / 2
  • Well-a-day that you were, sir
  • Well-a-day that you were, sir
  • Malvolio. Good fool, help me to some light and some paper: I
    tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria.

    Feste. Well-a-day that you were, sir

83 IV / 2
  • I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you
    not mad indeed? or do you bu...
  • I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you
    not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit?
  • Malvolio. By this hand, I am. Good fool, some ink, paper and
    light; and convey what I will set down to my lady:
    it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing
    of letter did.

    Feste. I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you
    not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit?

84 IV / 2
  • Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman till I see his
    brains. I will fetch you lig...
  • Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman till I see his
    brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink.
  • Malvolio. Believe me, I am not; I tell thee true.

    Feste. Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman till I see his
    brains. I will fetch you light and paper and ink.

85 IV / 2
  • [Singing]
    I am gone, sir,
    And anon, sir,
    I'll be with you again,
  • [Singing]
    I am gone, sir,
    And anon, sir,
    I'll be with you again,
    In a trice,
    Like to the old Vice,
    Your need to sustain;
    Who, with dagger of lath,
    In his rage and his wrath,
    Cries, ah, ha! to the devil:
    Like a mad lad,
    Pare thy nails, dad;
    Adieu, good man devil.
  • Malvolio. Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree: I
    prithee, be gone.

    Feste. [Singing]
    I am gone, sir,
    And anon, sir,
    I'll be with you again,
    In a trice,
    Like to the old Vice,
    Your need to sustain;
    Who, with dagger of lath,
    In his rage and his wrath,
    Cries, ah, ha! to the devil:
    Like a mad lad,
    Pare thy nails, dad;
    Adieu, good man devil.

86 V / 1
  • Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.
  • Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.
  • Fabian. Now, as thou lovest me, let me see his letter.

    Feste. Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.

87 V / 1
  • Do not desire to see this letter.
  • Do not desire to see this letter.
  • Fabian. Any thing.

    Feste. Do not desire to see this letter.

88 V / 1
  • Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings.
  • Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings.
  • Orsino. Belong you to the Lady Olivia, friends?

    Feste. Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings.

89 V / 1
  • Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse
    for my friends.
  • Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse
    for my friends.
  • Orsino. I know thee well; how dost thou, my good fellow?

    Feste. Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse
    for my friends.

90 V / 1
  • No, sir, the worse.
  • No, sir, the worse.
  • Orsino. Just the contrary; the better for thy friends.

    Feste. No, sir, the worse.

91 V / 1
  • Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me;
    now my foes tell me plainl...
  • Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me;
    now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by
    my foes, sir I profit in the knowledge of myself,
    and by my friends, I am abused: so that,
    conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives
    make your two affirmatives why then, the worse for
    my friends and the better for my foes.
  • Orsino. How can that be?

    Feste. Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me;
    now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by
    my foes, sir I profit in the knowledge of myself,
    and by my friends, I am abused: so that,
    conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives
    make your two affirmatives why then, the worse for
    my friends and the better for my foes.

92 V / 1
  • By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be
    one of my friends.
  • By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be
    one of my friends.
  • Orsino. Why, this is excellent.

    Feste. By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be
    one of my friends.

93 V / 1
  • But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would
    you could make it another....
  • But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would
    you could make it another.
  • Orsino. Thou shalt not be the worse for me: there's gold.

    Feste. But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would
    you could make it another.

94 V / 1
  • Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once,
    and let your flesh and bl...
  • Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once,
    and let your flesh and blood obey it.
  • Orsino. O, you give me ill counsel.

    Feste. Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once,
    and let your flesh and blood obey it.

95 V / 1
  • Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old
    saying is, the third pay...
  • Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old
    saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex,
    sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of
    Saint Bennet, sir, may put you in mind; one, two, three.
  • Orsino. Well, I will be so much a sinner, to be a
    double-dealer: there's another.

    Feste. Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old
    saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex,
    sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of
    Saint Bennet, sir, may put you in mind; one, two, three.

96 V / 1
  • Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come
    again. I go, sir; but I would...
  • Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come
    again. I go, sir; but I would not have you to think
    that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness:
    but, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap, I
    will awake it anon.
  • Orsino. You can fool no more money out of me at this throw:
    if you will let your lady know I am here to speak
    with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake
    my bounty further.

    Feste. Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come
    again. I go, sir; but I would not have you to think
    that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness:
    but, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap, I
    will awake it anon.

97 V / 1
  • O, he's drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes
    were set at eight i' the mo...
  • O, he's drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes
    were set at eight i' the morning.
  • Sir Toby Belch. That's all one: has hurt me, and there's the end
    on't. Sot, didst see Dick surgeon, sot?

    Feste. O, he's drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes
    were set at eight i' the morning.

98 V / 1
  • Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the staves's end as
    well as a man in his...
  • Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the staves's end as
    well as a man in his case may do: has here writ a
    letter to you; I should have given't you to-day
    morning, but as a madman's epistles are no gospels,
    so it skills not much when they are delivered.
  • Olivia. He shall enlarge him: fetch Malvolio hither:
    And yet, alas, now I remember me,
    They say, poor gentleman, he's much distract.
    [Re-enter Clown with a letter, and FABIAN]
    A most extracting frenzy of mine own
    From my remembrance clearly banish'd his.
    How does he, sirrah?

    Feste. Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the staves's end as
    well as a man in his case may do: has here writ a
    letter to you; I should have given't you to-day
    morning, but as a madman's epistles are no gospels,
    so it skills not much when they are delivered.

99 V / 1
  • Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers
    the madman.
    [Reads]...
  • Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers
    the madman.
    [Reads]
    'By the Lord, madam,'--
  • Olivia. Open't, and read it.

    Feste. Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers
    the madman.
    [Reads]
    'By the Lord, madam,'--

100 V / 1
  • No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship
    will have it as it ought...
  • No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship
    will have it as it ought to be, you must allow Vox.
  • Olivia. How now! art thou mad?

    Feste. No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship
    will have it as it ought to be, you must allow Vox.

101 V / 1
  • So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to
    read thus: therefore perp...
  • So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to
    read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear.
  • Olivia. Prithee, read i' thy right wits.

    Feste. So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to
    read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear.

102 V / 1
  • Ay, madam.
  • Ay, madam.
  • Olivia. Did he write this?

    Feste. Ay, madam.

103 V / 1
  • Why, 'some are born great, some achieve greatness,
    and some have greatness t...
  • Why, 'some are born great, some achieve greatness,
    and some have greatness thrown upon them.' I was
    one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but
    that's all one. 'By the Lord, fool, I am not mad.'
    But do you remember? 'Madam, why laugh you at such
    a barren rascal? an you smile not, he's gagged:'
    and thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.
  • Olivia. Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee!

    Feste. Why, 'some are born great, some achieve greatness,
    and some have greatness thrown upon them.' I was
    one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but
    that's all one. 'By the Lord, fool, I am not mad.'
    But do you remember? 'Madam, why laugh you at such
    a barren rascal? an you smile not, he's gagged:'
    and thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.

104 V / 1
  • [Sings]
    When that I was and a little tiny boy,
    With hey, ho, the wind an...
  • [Sings]
    When that I was and a little tiny boy,
    With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
    A foolish thing was but a toy,
    For the rain it raineth every day.
    But when I came to man's estate,
    With hey, ho, &c.
    'Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,
    For the rain, &c.
    But when I came, alas! to wive,
    With hey, ho, &c.
    By swaggering could I never thrive,
    For the rain, &c.
    But when I came unto my beds,
    With hey, ho, &c.
    With toss-pots still had drunken heads,
    For the rain, &c.
    A great while ago the world begun,
    With hey, ho, &c.
    But that's all one, our play is done,
    And we'll strive to please you every day.
  • Orsino. Pursue him and entreat him to a peace:
    He hath not told us of the captain yet:
    When that is known and golden time convents,
    A solemn combination shall be made
    Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet sister,
    We will not part from hence. Cesario, come;
    For so you shall be, while you are a man;
    But when in other habits you are seen,
    Orsino's mistress and his fancy's queen.

    Feste. [Sings]
    When that I was and a little tiny boy,
    With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
    A foolish thing was but a toy,
    For the rain it raineth every day.
    But when I came to man's estate,
    With hey, ho, &c.
    'Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,
    For the rain, &c.
    But when I came, alas! to wive,
    With hey, ho, &c.
    By swaggering could I never thrive,
    For the rain, &c.
    But when I came unto my beds,
    With hey, ho, &c.
    With toss-pots still had drunken heads,
    For the rain, &c.
    A great while ago the world begun,
    With hey, ho, &c.
    But that's all one, our play is done,
    And we'll strive to please you every day.

© Copyright 2017-2022 Shakespeare Network - Maximianno Cobra - All rights reserved.

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© Copyright 2017-2022 Shakespeare Network - Maximianno Cobra - All rights reserved.