Speeches (Lines) for Host in "The Merry Wives of Windsor"

Falstaff. Mine host of the Garter!

Host. What says my bully-rook? speak scholarly and wisely.

Falstaff. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my
followers.

Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot.

Falstaff. I sit at ten pounds a week.

Host. Thou'rt an emperor, Caesar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I
will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall
tap: said I well, bully Hector?

Falstaff. Do so, good mine host.

Host. I have spoke; let him follow.
[To BARDOLPH]
Let me see thee froth and lime: I am at a word; follow.

Page. Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes:
there is either liquor in his pate or money in his
purse when he looks so merrily.
[Enter Host]
How now, mine host!

Host. How now, bully-rook! thou'rt a gentleman.
Cavaleiro-justice, I say!

Robert Shallow. I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even and
twenty, good Master Page! Master Page, will you go
with us? we have sport in hand.

Host. Tell him, cavaleiro-justice; tell him, bully-rook.

Ford. Good mine host o' the Garter, a word with you.

Host. What sayest thou, my bully-rook?

Robert Shallow. [To PAGE] Will you go with us to behold it? My
merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons;
and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places;
for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester.
Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be.

Host. Hast thou no suit against my knight, my
guest-cavaleire?

Ford. None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of
burnt sack to give me recourse to him and tell him
my name is Brook; only for a jest.

Host. My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and regress;
--said I well?--and thy name shall be Brook. It is
a merry knight. Will you go, An-heires?

Robert Shallow. Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these times
you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and
I know not what: 'tis the heart, Master Page; 'tis
here, 'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long
sword I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats.

Host. Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag?

Rugby. Forbear; here's company.

Host. Bless thee, bully doctor!

Doctor Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?

Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee
traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to
see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy
distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is
he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my
AEsculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is
he dead, bully stale? is he dead?

Doctor Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he
is not show his face.

Host. Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my boy!

Robert Shallow. It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor
Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of
the peace: you have showed yourself a wise
physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise
and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor.

Host. Pardon, guest-justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater.

Doctor Caius. Mock-vater! vat is dat?

Host. Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.

Doctor Caius. By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de
Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me
vill cut his ears.

Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.

Doctor Caius. Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat?

Host. That is, he will make thee amends.

Doctor Caius. By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me;
for, by gar, me vill have it.

Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag.

Doctor Caius. Me tank you for dat.

Host. And, moreover, bully,--but first, master guest, and
Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you
through the town to Frogmore.

Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he?

Host. He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will
bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?

Doctor Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a
jack-an-ape to Anne Page.

Host. Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold
water on thy choler: go about the fields with me
through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress
Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou
shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well?

Doctor Caius. By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you;
and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl,
de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.

Host. For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne
Page. Said I well?

Doctor Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said.

Host. Let us wag, then.

Robert Shallow. So do you, good master doctor.

Host. Disarm them, and let them question: let them keep
their limbs whole and hack our English.

Sir Hugh Evans. As I am a Christians soul now, look you, this is the
place appointed: I'll be judgement by mine host of
the Garter.

Host. Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,
soul-curer and body-curer!

Doctor Caius. Ay, dat is very good; excellent.

Host. Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I
politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I
lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the
motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir
Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the
no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me
thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have
deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong
places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are
whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay
their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace;
follow, follow, follow.

Doctor Caius. Ay, be-gar; and de maid is love-a me: my nursh-a
Quickly tell me so mush.

Host. What say you to young Master Fenton? he capers, he
dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he
speaks holiday, he smells April and May: he will
carry't, he will carry't; 'tis in his buttons; he
will carry't.

Doctor Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I come anon.

Host. Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight
Falstaff, and drink canary with him.

Bardolph. Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your
horses: the duke himself will be to-morrow at
court, and they are going to meet him.

Host. What duke should that be comes so secretly? I hear
not of him in the court. Let me speak with the
gentlemen: they speak English?

Bardolph. Ay, sir; I'll call them to you.

Host. They shall have my horses; but I'll make them pay;
I'll sauce them: they have had my house a week at
command; I have turned away my other guests: they
must come off; I'll sauce them. Come.

Mistress Page. Go, Mistress Ford,
Send quickly to Sir John, to know his mind.
[Exit MISTRESS FORD]
I'll to the doctor: he hath my good will,
And none but he, to marry with Nan Page.
That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot;
And he my husband best of all affects.
The doctor is well money'd, and his friends
Potent at court: he, none but he, shall have her,
Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her.

Host. What wouldst thou have, boor? what: thick-skin?
speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap.

Simple. Marry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff
from Master Slender.

Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his
standing-bed and truckle-bed; 'tis painted about
with the story of the Prodigal, fresh and new. Go
knock and call; hell speak like an Anthropophaginian
unto thee: knock, I say.

Simple. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his
chamber: I'll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come
down; I come to speak with her, indeed.

Host. Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed: I'll
call. Bully knight! bully Sir John! speak from
thy lungs military: art thou there? it is thine
host, thine Ephesian, calls.

Falstaff. [Above] How now, mine host!

Host. Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of
thy fat woman. Let her descend, bully, let her
descend; my chambers are honourable: fie! privacy?
fie!

Falstaff. What are they? let us know.

Host. Ay, come; quick.

Simple. I may not conceal them, sir.

Host. Conceal them, or thou diest.

Simple. I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad
with these tidings.

Host. Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John. Was
there a wise woman with thee?

Bardolph. Out, alas, sir! cozenage, mere cozenage!

Host. Where be my horses? speak well of them, varletto.

Bardolph. Run away with the cozeners; for so soon as I came
beyond Eton, they threw me off from behind one of
them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs and away,
like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses.

Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, villain: do not
say they be fled; Germans are honest men.

Sir Hugh Evans. Where is mine host?

Host. What is the matter, sir?

Doctor Caius. Vere is mine host de Jarteer?

Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity and doubtful dilemma.

Doctor Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a me dat
you make grand preparation for a duke de Jamany: by
my trot, dere is no duke dat the court is know to
come. I tell you for good vill: adieu.

Host. Hue and cry, villain, go! Assist me, knight. I am
undone! Fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am undone!

Falstaff. Come up into my chamber.

Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy: I
will give over all.

Fenton. Yet hear me speak. Assist me in my purpose,
And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee
A hundred pound in gold more than your loss.

Host. I will hear you, Master Fenton; and I will at the
least keep your counsel.

Fenton. From time to time I have acquainted you
With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page;
Who mutually hath answer'd my affection,
So far forth as herself might be her chooser,
Even to my wish: I have a letter from her
Of such contents as you will wonder at;
The mirth whereof so larded with my matter,
That neither singly can be manifested,
Without the show of both; fat Falstaff
Hath a great scene: the image of the jest
I'll show you here at large. Hark, good mine host.
To-night at Herne's oak, just 'twixt twelve and one,
Must my sweet Nan present the Fairy Queen;
The purpose why, is here: in which disguise,
While other jests are something rank on foot,
Her father hath commanded her to slip
Away with Slender and with him at Eton
Immediately to marry: she hath consented: Now, sir,
Her mother, ever strong against that match
And firm for Doctor Caius, hath appointed
That he shall likewise shuffle her away,
While other sports are tasking of their minds,
And at the deanery, where a priest attends,
Straight marry her: to this her mother's plot
She seemingly obedient likewise hath
Made promise to the doctor. Now, thus it rests:
Her father means she shall be all in white,
And in that habit, when Slender sees his time
To take her by the hand and bid her go,
She shall go with him: her mother hath intended,
The better to denote her to the doctor,
For they must all be mask'd and vizarded,
That quaint in green she shall be loose enrobed,
With ribands pendent, flaring 'bout her head;
And when the doctor spies his vantage ripe,
To pinch her by the hand, and, on that token,
The maid hath given consent to go with him.

Host. Which means she to deceive, father or mother?

Fenton. Both, my good host, to go along with me:
And here it rests, that you'll procure the vicar
To stay for me at church 'twixt twelve and one,
And, in the lawful name of marrying,
To give our hearts united ceremony.

Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the vicar:
Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest.