Speeches (Lines) for Mistress Quickly in "History of Henry IV, Part II"

Lord Hastings. We are time's subjects, and time bids be gone.

Mistress Quickly. Master Fang, have you ent'red the action?

Fang. It is ent'red.

Mistress Quickly. Where's your yeoman? Is't a lusty yeoman? Will 'a
to't?

Fang. Sirrah, where's Snare?

Mistress Quickly. O Lord, ay! good Master Snare.

Fang. Snare, we must arrest Sir John Falstaff.

Mistress Quickly. Yea, good Master Snare; I have ent'red him and all.

Snare. It may chance cost some of our lives, for he will stab.

Mistress Quickly. Alas the day! take heed of him; he stabb'd me in mine
house, and that most beastly. In good faith, 'a cares not
mischief he does, if his weapon be out; he will foin like any
devil; he will spare neither man, woman, nor child.

Fang. If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust.

Mistress Quickly. No, nor I neither; I'll be at your elbow.

Fang. An I but fist him once; an 'a come but within my vice!

Mistress Quickly. I am undone by his going; I warrant you, he's an
infinitive thing upon my score. Good Master Fang, hold him
Good Master Snare, let him not scape. 'A comes continuantly
Pie-corner--saving your manhoods--to buy a saddle; and he is
indited to dinner to the Lubber's Head in Lumbert Street, to
Master Smooth's the silkman. I pray you, since my exion is
ent'red, and my case so openly known to the world, let him be
brought in to his answer. A hundred mark is a long one for a
lone woman to bear; and I have borne, and borne, and borne;
have been fubb'd off, and fubb'd off, and fubb'd off, from
day to that day, that it is a shame to be thought on. There
honesty in such dealing; unless a woman should be made an ass
a beast, to bear every knave's wrong.
[Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF, PAGE, and BARDOLPH]
Yonder he comes; and that arrant malmsey-nose knave,
with him. Do your offices, do your offices, Master Fang and
Master Snare; do me, do me, do me your offices.

Falstaff. Away, varlets! Draw, Bardolph. Cut me off the
head. Throw the quean in the channel.

Mistress Quickly. Throw me in the channel! I'll throw thee in the
Wilt thou? wilt thou? thou bastardly rogue! Murder, murder!
thou honeysuckle villain! wilt thou kill God's officers and
King's? Ah, thou honey-seed rogue! thou art a honey-seed; a
man-queller and a woman-queller.

Fang. A rescue! a rescue!

Mistress Quickly. Good people, bring a rescue or two. Thou wot, wot
thou wot, wot ta? Do, do, thou rogue! do, thou hemp-seed!

Lord Chief Justice. What is the matter? Keep the peace here, ho!

Mistress Quickly. Good my lord, be good to me. I beseech you, stand to

Lord Chief Justice. How now, Sir John! what, are you brawling here?
Doth this become your place, your time, and business?
You should have been well on your way to York.
Stand from him, fellow; wherefore hang'st thou upon him?

Mistress Quickly. O My most worshipful lord, an't please your Grace, I
poor widow of Eastcheap, and he is arrested at my suit.

Lord Chief Justice. For what sum?

Mistress Quickly. It is more than for some, my lord; it is for all--all
have. He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all
substance into that fat belly of his. But I will have some of
out again, or I will ride thee a nights like a mare.

Falstaff. What is the gross sum that I owe thee?

Mistress Quickly. Marry, if thou wert an honest man, thyself and the
too. Thou didst swear to me upon a parcel-gilt goblet,
my Dolphin chamber, at the round table, by a sea-coal fire,
Wednesday in Wheeson week, when the Prince broke thy head for
liking his father to singing-man of Windsor--thou didst swear
me then, as I was washing thy wound, to marry me and make me
lady thy wife. Canst thou deny it? Did not goodwife Keech,
butcher's wife, come in then and call me gossip Quickly?
in to borrow a mess of vinegar, telling us she had a good
prawns, whereby thou didst desire to eat some, whereby I told
thee they were ill for green wound? And didst thou not, when
was gone down stairs, desire me to be no more so familiarity
such poor people, saying that ere long they should call me
And didst thou not kiss me, and bid me fetch the thirty
shillings? I put thee now to thy book-oath. Deny it, if thou
canst.

Lord Chief Justice. Sir John, Sir John, I am well acquainted with
manner of wrenching the true cause the false way. It is not a
confident brow, nor the throng of words that come with such
than impudent sauciness from you, can thrust me from a level
consideration. You have, as it appears to me, practis'd upon
easy yielding spirit of this woman, and made her serve your
both in purse and in person.

Mistress Quickly. Yea, in truth, my lord.

Falstaff. As I am a gentleman!

Mistress Quickly. Faith, you said so before.

Falstaff. As I am a gentleman! Come, no more words of it.

Mistress Quickly. By this heavenly ground I tread on, I must be fain to
both my plate and the tapestry of my dining-chambers.

Falstaff. Glasses, glasses, is the only drinking; and for thy
walls, a pretty slight drollery, or the story of the
the German hunting, in water-work, is worth a thousand of
bed-hangers and these fly-bitten tapestries. Let it be ten
if thou canst. Come, and 'twere not for thy humours, there's
a better wench in England. Go, wash thy face, and draw the
action. Come, thou must not be in this humour with me; dost
know me? Come, come, I know thou wast set on to this.

Mistress Quickly. Pray thee, Sir John, let it be but twenty nobles;
i' faith, I am loath to pawn my plate, so God save me, la!

Falstaff. Let it alone; I'll make other shift. You'll be a fool
still.

Mistress Quickly. Well, you shall have it, though I pawn my gown.
I hope you'll come to supper. you'll pay me all together?

Falstaff. Will I live? [To BARDOLPH] Go, with her, with her;
on, hook on.

Mistress Quickly. Will you have Doll Tearsheet meet you at supper?

Second Drawer. I'll see if I can find out Sneak.

Mistress Quickly. I' faith, sweetheart, methinks now you are in an
good temperality. Your pulsidge beats as extraordinarily as
would desire; and your colour, I warrant you, is as red as
rose, in good truth, la! But, i' faith, you have drunk too
canaries; and that's a marvellous searching wine, and it
the blood ere one can say 'What's this?' How do you now?

Doll Tearsheet. Better than I was--hem.

Mistress Quickly. Why, that's well said; a good heart's worth gold.
Lo, here comes Sir John.

Falstaff. [Singing] 'When Arthur first in court'--Empty the
Jordan. [Exit FRANCIS]--[Singing] 'And was a worthy king'--
now, Mistress Doll!

Mistress Quickly. Sick of a calm; yea, good faith.

Doll Tearsheet. Hang yourself, you muddy conger, hang yourself!

Mistress Quickly. By my troth, this is the old fashion; you two never
but you fall to some discord. You are both, i' good truth, as
rheumatic as two dry toasts; you cannot one bear with
confirmities. What the good-year! one must bear, and that
you. You are the weaker vessel, as as they say, the emptier
vessel.

Doll Tearsheet. Hang him, swaggering rascal! Let him not come hither; it
the foul-mouth'dst rogue in England.

Mistress Quickly. If he swagger, let him not come here. No, by my faith!
must live among my neighbours; I'll no swaggerers. I am in
name and fame with the very best. Shut the door. There comes
swaggerers here; I have not liv'd all this while to have
swaggering now. Shut the door, I pray you.

Falstaff. Dost thou hear, hostess?

Mistress Quickly. Pray ye, pacify yourself, Sir John; there comes no
swaggerers here.

Falstaff. Dost thou hear? It is mine ancient.

Mistress Quickly. Tilly-fally, Sir John, ne'er tell me; and your ancient
swagg'rer comes not in my doors. I was before Master Tisick,
debuty, t' other day; and, as he said to me--'twas no longer
than Wednesday last, i' good faith!--'Neighbour Quickly,'
he--Master Dumbe, our minister, was by then--'Neighbour
says he 'receive those that are civil, for' said he 'you are
an ill name.' Now 'a said so, I can tell whereupon. 'For'
'you are an honest woman and well thought on, therefore take
what guests you receive. Receive' says he 'no swaggering
companions.' There comes none here. You would bless you to
what he said. No, I'll no swagg'rers.

Falstaff. He's no swagg'rer, hostess; a tame cheater, i' faith;
may stroke him as gently as a puppy greyhound. He'll not
with a Barbary hen, if her feathers turn back in any show of
resistance. Call him up, drawer.

Mistress Quickly. Cheater, call you him? I will bar no honest man my
nor no cheater; but I do not love swaggering, by my troth. I
the worse when one says 'swagger.' Feel, masters, how I
look you, I warrant you.

Doll Tearsheet. So you do, hostess.

Mistress Quickly. Do I? Yea, in very truth, do I, an 'twere an aspen
cannot abide swagg'rers.

Falstaff. She is pistol-proof, sir; you shall not hardly offend
her.

Mistress Quickly. Come, I'll drink no proofs nor no bullets. I'll drink
more than will do me good, for no man's pleasure, I.

Falstaff. No more, Pistol; I would not have you go off here.
Discharge yourself of our company, Pistol.

Mistress Quickly. No, good Captain Pistol; not here, sweet captain.

Pistol. I'll see her damn'd first; to Pluto's damn'd lake, by
hand, to th' infernal deep, with Erebus and tortures vile
Hold hook and line, say I. Down, down, dogs! down, faitors!
we not Hiren here?

Mistress Quickly. Good Captain Peesel, be quiet; 'tis very late, i'
beseek you now, aggravate your choler.

Pistol. These be good humours, indeed! Shall packhorses,
And hollow pamper'd jades of Asia,
Which cannot go but thirty mile a day,
Compare with Caesars, and with Cannibals,
And Troiant Greeks? Nay, rather damn them with
King Cerberus; and let the welkin roar.
Shall we fall foul for toys?

Mistress Quickly. By my troth, Captain, these are very bitter words.

Pistol. Die men like dogs! Give crowns like pins! Have we not
here?

Mistress Quickly. O' my word, Captain, there's none such here. What the
good-year! do you think I would deny her? For God's sake, be
quiet.

Pistol. What! shall we have incision? Shall we imbrue?
[Snatching up his sword]
Then death rock me asleep, abridge my doleful days!
Why, then, let grievous, ghastly, gaping wounds
Untwine the Sisters Three! Come, Atropos, I say!

Mistress Quickly. Here's goodly stuff toward!

Falstaff. Get you down stairs.

Mistress Quickly. Here's a goodly tumult! I'll forswear keeping house
I'll be in these tirrits and frights. So; murder, I warrant
Alas, alas! put up your naked weapons, put up your naked

Doll Tearsheet. I pray thee, Jack, be quiet; the rascal's gone. Ah, you
whoreson little valiant villain, you!

Mistress Quickly. Are you not hurt i' th' groin? Methought 'a made a
thrust at your belly.

Henry V. Very true, sir, and I come to draw you out by the ears.

Mistress Quickly. O, the Lord preserve thy Grace! By my troth, welcome
London. Now the Lord bless that sweet face of thine. O Jesu, are you come from Wales?

Henry V. YOU whoreson candle-mine, you, how vilely did you speak
me even now before this honest, virtuous, civil gentlewoman!

Mistress Quickly. God's blessing of your good heart! and so she is, by
troth.

Falstaff. For one of them--she's in hell already, and burns
souls. For th' other--I owe her money; and whether she be
for that, I know not.

Mistress Quickly. No, I warrant you.

Falstaff. No, I think thou art not; I think thou art quit for
Marry, there is another indictment upon thee for suffering
to be eaten in thy house, contrary to the law; for the which
think thou wilt howl.

Mistress Quickly. All vict'lers do so. What's a joint of mutton or two
whole Lent?

Falstaff. His Grace says that which his flesh rebels against.

Mistress Quickly. Who knocks so loud at door? Look to th' door there,
Francis.

Falstaff. Farewell, farewell.

Mistress Quickly. Well, fare thee well. I have known thee these
years, come peascod-time; but an honester and truer-hearted

Bardolph. [Within] Mistress Tearsheet!

Mistress Quickly. What's the matter?

Bardolph. [Within] Bid Mistress Tearsheet come to my master.

Mistress Quickly. O, run Doll, run, run, good Come. [To BARDOLPH] She
comes blubber'd.--Yea, will you come, Doll? Exeunt

Pistol. Let vultures vile seize on his lungs also!
'Where is the life that late I led?' say they.
Why, here it is; welcome these pleasant days! Exeunt

Mistress Quickly. No, thou arrant knave; I would to God that I might die,
that I might have thee hang'd. Thou hast drawn my shoulder out of
joint.

Doll Tearsheet. Nut-hook, nut-hook, you lie. Come on; I'll tell thee what,
thou damn'd tripe-visag'd rascal, an the child I now go with do
miscarry, thou wert better thou hadst struck thy mother, thou
paper-fac'd villain.

Mistress Quickly. O the Lord, that Sir John were come! He would make this a
bloody day to somebody. But I pray God the fruit of her womb
miscarry!

First Beadle. Come, come, you she knight-errant, come.

Mistress Quickly. O God, that right should thus overcome might!
Well, of sufferance comes ease.

Doll Tearsheet. Come, you rogue, come; bring me to a justice.

Mistress Quickly. Ay, come, you starv'd bloodhound.

Doll Tearsheet. Goodman death, goodman bones!

Mistress Quickly. Thou atomy, thou!