Speeches (Lines) for Thersites in "Troilus and Cressida"

Total: 90
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# Act, Scene, Line Speech text
1 II, 1, 859
  • Agamemnon, how if he had boils? full, all over,
    generally?
  • Agamemnon, how if he had boils? full, all over,
    generally?
  • Ajax. Thersites!

    Thersites. Agamemnon, how if he had boils? full, all over,
    generally?

2 II, 1, 862
  • And those boils did run? say so: did not the
    general run then? were not that...
  • And those boils did run? say so: did not the
    general run then? were not that a botchy core?
  • Ajax. Thersites!

    Thersites. And those boils did run? say so: did not the
    general run then? were not that a botchy core?

3 II, 1, 865
  • Then would come some matter from him; I see none now.
  • Then would come some matter from him; I see none now.
  • Ajax. Dog!

    Thersites. Then would come some matter from him; I see none now.

4 II, 1, 869
  • The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel
    beef-witted lord!
  • The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel
    beef-witted lord!
  • Ajax. Thou bitch-wolf's son, canst thou not hear?
    [Beating him]
    Feel, then.

    Thersites. The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel
    beef-witted lord!

5 II, 1, 873
  • I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness: but,
    I think, thy horse will...
  • I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness: but,
    I think, thy horse will sooner con an oration than
    thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike,
    canst thou? a red murrain o' thy jade's tricks!
  • Ajax. Speak then, thou vinewedst leaven, speak: I will
    beat thee into handsomeness.

    Thersites. I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness: but,
    I think, thy horse will sooner con an oration than
    thou learn a prayer without book. Thou canst strike,
    canst thou? a red murrain o' thy jade's tricks!

6 II, 1, 878
  • Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strikest me thus?
  • Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strikest me thus?
  • Ajax. Toadstool, learn me the proclamation.

    Thersites. Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strikest me thus?

7 II, 1, 880
  • Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think.
  • Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think.
  • Ajax. The proclamation!

    Thersites. Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think.

8 II, 1, 882
  • I would thou didst itch from head to foot and I had
    the scratching of thee;...
  • I would thou didst itch from head to foot and I had
    the scratching of thee; I would make thee the
    loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in
    the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another.
  • Ajax. Do not, porpentine, do not: my fingers itch.

    Thersites. I would thou didst itch from head to foot and I had
    the scratching of thee; I would make thee the
    loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art forth in
    the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another.

9 II, 1, 887
  • Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles,
    and thou art as full of e...
  • Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles,
    and thou art as full of envy at his greatness as
    Cerberus is at Proserpine's beauty, ay, that thou
    barkest at him.
  • Ajax. I say, the proclamation!

    Thersites. Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles,
    and thou art as full of envy at his greatness as
    Cerberus is at Proserpine's beauty, ay, that thou
    barkest at him.

10 II, 1, 892
  • Thou shouldest strike him.
  • Thou shouldest strike him.
  • Ajax. Mistress Thersites!

    Thersites. Thou shouldest strike him.

11 II, 1, 894
  • He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a
    sailor breaks a biscuit.
  • He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a
    sailor breaks a biscuit.
  • Ajax. Cobloaf!

    Thersites. He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a
    sailor breaks a biscuit.

12 II, 1, 897
  • Do, do.
  • Do, do.
  • Ajax. [Beating him] You whoreson cur!

    Thersites. Do, do.

13 II, 1, 899
  • Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no
    more brain than I have in...
  • Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no
    more brain than I have in mine elbows; an assinego
    may tutor thee: thou scurvy-valiant ass! thou art
    here but to thrash Trojans; and thou art bought and
    sold among those of any wit, like a barbarian slave.
    If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy heel, and
    tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no
    bowels, thou!
  • Ajax. Thou stool for a witch!

    Thersites. Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! thou hast no
    more brain than I have in mine elbows; an assinego
    may tutor thee: thou scurvy-valiant ass! thou art
    here but to thrash Trojans; and thou art bought and
    sold among those of any wit, like a barbarian slave.
    If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy heel, and
    tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no
    bowels, thou!

14 II, 1, 908
  • You scurvy lord!
  • You scurvy lord!
  • Ajax. You dog!

    Thersites. You scurvy lord!

15 II, 1, 910
  • Mars his idiot! do, rudeness; do, camel; do, do.
  • Mars his idiot! do, rudeness; do, camel; do, do.
  • Ajax. [Beating him] You cur!

    Thersites. Mars his idiot! do, rudeness; do, camel; do, do.

16 II, 1, 914
  • You see him there, do you?
  • You see him there, do you?
  • Achilles. Why, how now, Ajax! wherefore do you thus? How now,
    Thersites! what's the matter, man?

    Thersites. You see him there, do you?

17 II, 1, 916
  • Nay, look upon him.
  • Nay, look upon him.
  • Achilles. Ay; what's the matter?

    Thersites. Nay, look upon him.

18 II, 1, 918
  • Nay, but regard him well.
  • Nay, but regard him well.
  • Achilles. So I do: what's the matter?

    Thersites. Nay, but regard him well.

19 II, 1, 920
  • But yet you look not well upon him; for whosoever you
    take him to be, he is...
  • But yet you look not well upon him; for whosoever you
    take him to be, he is Ajax.
  • Achilles. 'Well!' why, I do so.

    Thersites. But yet you look not well upon him; for whosoever you
    take him to be, he is Ajax.

20 II, 1, 923
  • Ay, but that fool knows not himself.
  • Ay, but that fool knows not himself.
  • Achilles. I know that, fool.

    Thersites. Ay, but that fool knows not himself.

21 II, 1, 925
  • Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! his
    evasions have ears thus...
  • Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! his
    evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed his
    brain more than he has beat my bones: I will buy
    nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not
    worth the nineth part of a sparrow. This lord,
    Achilles, Ajax, who wears his wit in his belly and
    his guts in his head, I'll tell you what I say of
    him.
  • Ajax. Therefore I beat thee.

    Thersites. Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! his
    evasions have ears thus long. I have bobbed his
    brain more than he has beat my bones: I will buy
    nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not
    worth the nineth part of a sparrow. This lord,
    Achilles, Ajax, who wears his wit in his belly and
    his guts in his head, I'll tell you what I say of
    him.

22 II, 1, 934
  • I say, this Ajax--
  • I say, this Ajax--
  • Achilles. What?

    Thersites. I say, this Ajax--

23 II, 1, 937
  • Has not so much wit--
  • Has not so much wit--
  • Achilles. Nay, good Ajax.

    Thersites. Has not so much wit--

24 II, 1, 939
  • As will stop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he
    comes to fight.
  • As will stop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he
    comes to fight.
  • Achilles. Nay, I must hold you.

    Thersites. As will stop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he
    comes to fight.

25 II, 1, 942
  • I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will
    not: he there: that he:...
  • I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will
    not: he there: that he: look you there.
  • Achilles. Peace, fool!

    Thersites. I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will
    not: he there: that he: look you there.

26 II, 1, 946
  • No, I warrant you; for a fools will shame it.
  • No, I warrant you; for a fools will shame it.
  • Achilles. Will you set your wit to a fool's?

    Thersites. No, I warrant you; for a fools will shame it.

27 II, 1, 951
  • I serve thee not.
  • I serve thee not.
  • Ajax. I bade the vile owl go learn me the tenor of the
    proclamation, and he rails upon me.

    Thersites. I serve thee not.

28 II, 1, 953
  • I serve here voluntarily.
  • I serve here voluntarily.
  • Ajax. Well, go to, go to.

    Thersites. I serve here voluntarily.

29 II, 1, 957
  • E'en so; a great deal of your wit, too, lies in your
    sinews, or else there b...
  • E'en so; a great deal of your wit, too, lies in your
    sinews, or else there be liars. Hector have a great
    catch, if he knock out either of your brains: a'
    were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel.
  • Achilles. Your last service was sufferance, 'twas not
    voluntary: no man is beaten voluntary: Ajax was
    here the voluntary, and you as under an impress.

    Thersites. E'en so; a great deal of your wit, too, lies in your
    sinews, or else there be liars. Hector have a great
    catch, if he knock out either of your brains: a'
    were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel.

30 II, 1, 962
  • There's Ulysses and old Nestor, whose wit was mouldy
    ere your grandsires had...
  • There's Ulysses and old Nestor, whose wit was mouldy
    ere your grandsires had nails on their toes, yoke you
    like draught-oxen and make you plough up the wars.
  • Achilles. What, with me too, Thersites?

    Thersites. There's Ulysses and old Nestor, whose wit was mouldy
    ere your grandsires had nails on their toes, yoke you
    like draught-oxen and make you plough up the wars.

31 II, 1, 966
  • Yes, good sooth: to, Achilles! to, Ajax! to!
  • Yes, good sooth: to, Achilles! to, Ajax! to!
  • Achilles. What, what?

    Thersites. Yes, good sooth: to, Achilles! to, Ajax! to!

32 II, 1, 968
  • 'Tis no matter! I shall speak as much as thou
    afterwards.
  • 'Tis no matter! I shall speak as much as thou
    afterwards.
  • Ajax. I shall cut out your tongue.

    Thersites. 'Tis no matter! I shall speak as much as thou
    afterwards.

33 II, 1, 971
  • I will hold my peace when Achilles' brach bids me, shall I?
  • I will hold my peace when Achilles' brach bids me, shall I?
  • Patroclus. No more words, Thersites; peace!

    Thersites. I will hold my peace when Achilles' brach bids me, shall I?

34 II, 1, 973
  • I will see you hanged, like clotpoles, ere I come
    any more to your tents: I...
  • I will see you hanged, like clotpoles, ere I come
    any more to your tents: I will keep where there is
    wit stirring and leave the faction of fools.
  • Achilles. There's for you, Patroclus.

    Thersites. I will see you hanged, like clotpoles, ere I come
    any more to your tents: I will keep where there is
    wit stirring and leave the faction of fools.

35 II, 3, 1215
  • How now, Thersites! what lost in the labyrinth of
    thy fury! Shall the elepha...
  • How now, Thersites! what lost in the labyrinth of
    thy fury! Shall the elephant Ajax carry it thus? He
    beats me, and I rail at him: O, worthy satisfaction!
    would it were otherwise; that I could beat him,
    whilst he railed at me. 'Sfoot, I'll learn to
    conjure and raise devils, but I'll see some issue of
    my spiteful execrations. Then there's Achilles, a
    rare enginer! If Troy be not taken till these two
    undermine it, the walls will stand till they fall of
    themselves. O thou great thunder-darter of Olympus,
    forget that thou art Jove, the king of gods and,
    Mercury, lose all the serpentine craft of thy
    caduceus, if ye take not that little, little less
    than little wit from them that they have! which
    short-armed ignorance itself knows is so abundant
    scarce, it will not in circumvention deliver a fly
    from a spider, without drawing their massy irons and
    cutting the web. After this, the vengeance on the
    whole camp! or rather, the bone-ache! for that,
    methinks, is the curse dependent on those that war
    for a placket. I have said my prayers and devil Envy
    say Amen. What ho! my Lord Achilles!
  • (stage directions). [Enter THERSITES, solus]

    Thersites. How now, Thersites! what lost in the labyrinth of
    thy fury! Shall the elephant Ajax carry it thus? He
    beats me, and I rail at him: O, worthy satisfaction!
    would it were otherwise; that I could beat him,
    whilst he railed at me. 'Sfoot, I'll learn to
    conjure and raise devils, but I'll see some issue of
    my spiteful execrations. Then there's Achilles, a
    rare enginer! If Troy be not taken till these two
    undermine it, the walls will stand till they fall of
    themselves. O thou great thunder-darter of Olympus,
    forget that thou art Jove, the king of gods and,
    Mercury, lose all the serpentine craft of thy
    caduceus, if ye take not that little, little less
    than little wit from them that they have! which
    short-armed ignorance itself knows is so abundant
    scarce, it will not in circumvention deliver a fly
    from a spider, without drawing their massy irons and
    cutting the web. After this, the vengeance on the
    whole camp! or rather, the bone-ache! for that,
    methinks, is the curse dependent on those that war
    for a placket. I have said my prayers and devil Envy
    say Amen. What ho! my Lord Achilles!

36 II, 3, 1239
  • If I could have remembered a gilt counterfeit, thou
    wouldst not have slipped...
  • If I could have remembered a gilt counterfeit, thou
    wouldst not have slipped out of my contemplation: but
    it is no matter; thyself upon thyself! The common
    curse of mankind, folly and ignorance, be thine in
    great revenue! heaven bless thee from a tutor, and
    discipline come not near thee! Let thy blood be thy
    direction till thy death! then if she that lays thee
    out says thou art a fair corse, I'll be sworn and
    sworn upon't she never shrouded any but lazars.
    Amen. Where's Achilles?
  • Patroclus. Who's there? Thersites! Good Thersites, come in and rail.

    Thersites. If I could have remembered a gilt counterfeit, thou
    wouldst not have slipped out of my contemplation: but
    it is no matter; thyself upon thyself! The common
    curse of mankind, folly and ignorance, be thine in
    great revenue! heaven bless thee from a tutor, and
    discipline come not near thee! Let thy blood be thy
    direction till thy death! then if she that lays thee
    out says thou art a fair corse, I'll be sworn and
    sworn upon't she never shrouded any but lazars.
    Amen. Where's Achilles?

37 II, 3, 1250
  • Ay: the heavens hear me!
  • Ay: the heavens hear me!
  • Patroclus. What, art thou devout? wast thou in prayer?

    Thersites. Ay: the heavens hear me!

38 II, 3, 1257
  • Thy commander, Achilles. Then tell me, Patroclus,
    what's Achilles?
  • Thy commander, Achilles. Then tell me, Patroclus,
    what's Achilles?
  • Achilles. Where, where? Art thou come? why, my cheese, my
    digestion, why hast thou not served thyself in to
    my table so many meals? Come, what's Agamemnon?

    Thersites. Thy commander, Achilles. Then tell me, Patroclus,
    what's Achilles?

39 II, 3, 1261
  • Thy knower, Patroclus: then tell me, Patroclus,
    what art thou?
  • Thy knower, Patroclus: then tell me, Patroclus,
    what art thou?
  • Patroclus. Thy lord, Thersites: then tell me, I pray thee,
    what's thyself?

    Thersites. Thy knower, Patroclus: then tell me, Patroclus,
    what art thou?

40 II, 3, 1265
  • I'll decline the whole question. Agamemnon commands
    Achilles; Achilles is my...
  • I'll decline the whole question. Agamemnon commands
    Achilles; Achilles is my lord; I am Patroclus'
    knower, and Patroclus is a fool.
  • Achilles. O, tell, tell.

    Thersites. I'll decline the whole question. Agamemnon commands
    Achilles; Achilles is my lord; I am Patroclus'
    knower, and Patroclus is a fool.

41 II, 3, 1269
  • Peace, fool! I have not done.
  • Peace, fool! I have not done.
  • Patroclus. You rascal!

    Thersites. Peace, fool! I have not done.

42 II, 3, 1271
  • Agamemnon is a fool; Achilles is a fool; Thersites
    is a fool, and, as afores...
  • Agamemnon is a fool; Achilles is a fool; Thersites
    is a fool, and, as aforesaid, Patroclus is a fool.
  • Achilles. He is a privileged man. Proceed, Thersites.

    Thersites. Agamemnon is a fool; Achilles is a fool; Thersites
    is a fool, and, as aforesaid, Patroclus is a fool.

43 II, 3, 1274
  • Agamemnon is a fool to offer to command Achilles;
    Achilles is a fool to be c...
  • Agamemnon is a fool to offer to command Achilles;
    Achilles is a fool to be commanded of Agamemnon;
    Thersites is a fool to serve such a fool, and
    Patroclus is a fool positive.
  • Achilles. Derive this; come.

    Thersites. Agamemnon is a fool to offer to command Achilles;
    Achilles is a fool to be commanded of Agamemnon;
    Thersites is a fool to serve such a fool, and
    Patroclus is a fool positive.

44 II, 3, 1279
  • Make that demand of the prover. It suffices me thou
    art. Look you, who comes...
  • Make that demand of the prover. It suffices me thou
    art. Look you, who comes here?
  • Patroclus. Why am I a fool?

    Thersites. Make that demand of the prover. It suffices me thou
    art. Look you, who comes here?

45 II, 3, 1284
  • Here is such patchery, such juggling and such
    knavery! all the argument is a...
  • Here is such patchery, such juggling and such
    knavery! all the argument is a cuckold and a
    whore; a good quarrel to draw emulous factions
    and bleed to death upon. Now, the dry serpigo on
    the subject! and war and lechery confound all!
  • (stage directions). [Exit]

    Thersites. Here is such patchery, such juggling and such
    knavery! all the argument is a cuckold and a
    whore; a good quarrel to draw emulous factions
    and bleed to death upon. Now, the dry serpigo on
    the subject! and war and lechery confound all!

46 III, 3, 2127
  • A wonder!
  • A wonder!
  • Achilles. Go call Thersites hither, sweet Patroclus:
    I'll send the fool to Ajax and desire him
    To invite the Trojan lords after the combat
    To see us here unarm'd: I have a woman's longing,
    An appetite that I am sick withal,
    To see great Hector in his weeds of peace,
    To talk with him and to behold his visage,
    Even to my full of view.
    [Enter THERSITES]
    A labour saved!

    Thersites. A wonder!

47 III, 3, 2129
  • Ajax goes up and down the field, asking for himself.
  • Ajax goes up and down the field, asking for himself.
  • Achilles. What?

    Thersites. Ajax goes up and down the field, asking for himself.

48 III, 3, 2131
  • He must fight singly to-morrow with Hector, and is so
    prophetically proud of...
  • He must fight singly to-morrow with Hector, and is so
    prophetically proud of an heroical cudgelling that he
    raves in saying nothing.
  • Achilles. How so?

    Thersites. He must fight singly to-morrow with Hector, and is so
    prophetically proud of an heroical cudgelling that he
    raves in saying nothing.

49 III, 3, 2135
  • Why, he stalks up and down like a peacock,--a stride
    and a stand: ruminates...
  • Why, he stalks up and down like a peacock,--a stride
    and a stand: ruminates like an hostess that hath no
    arithmetic but her brain to set down her reckoning:
    bites his lip with a politic regard, as who should
    say 'There were wit in this head, an 'twould out;'
    and so there is, but it lies as coldly in him as fire
    in a flint, which will not show without knocking.
    The man's undone forever; for if Hector break not his
    neck i' the combat, he'll break 't himself in
    vain-glory. He knows not me: I said 'Good morrow,
    Ajax;' and he replies 'Thanks, Agamemnon.' What think
    you of this man that takes me for the general? He's
    grown a very land-fish, language-less, a monster.
    A plague of opinion! a man may wear it on both
    sides, like a leather jerkin.
  • Achilles. How can that be?

    Thersites. Why, he stalks up and down like a peacock,--a stride
    and a stand: ruminates like an hostess that hath no
    arithmetic but her brain to set down her reckoning:
    bites his lip with a politic regard, as who should
    say 'There were wit in this head, an 'twould out;'
    and so there is, but it lies as coldly in him as fire
    in a flint, which will not show without knocking.
    The man's undone forever; for if Hector break not his
    neck i' the combat, he'll break 't himself in
    vain-glory. He knows not me: I said 'Good morrow,
    Ajax;' and he replies 'Thanks, Agamemnon.' What think
    you of this man that takes me for the general? He's
    grown a very land-fish, language-less, a monster.
    A plague of opinion! a man may wear it on both
    sides, like a leather jerkin.

50 III, 3, 2151
  • Who, I? why, he'll answer nobody; he professes not
    answering: speaking is fo...
  • Who, I? why, he'll answer nobody; he professes not
    answering: speaking is for beggars; he wears his
    tongue in's arms. I will put on his presence: let
    Patroclus make demands to me, you shall see the
    pageant of Ajax.
  • Achilles. Thou must be my ambassador to him, Thersites.

    Thersites. Who, I? why, he'll answer nobody; he professes not
    answering: speaking is for beggars; he wears his
    tongue in's arms. I will put on his presence: let
    Patroclus make demands to me, you shall see the
    pageant of Ajax.

51 III, 3, 2164
  • Hum!
  • Hum!
  • Patroclus. Jove bless great Ajax!

    Thersites. Hum!

52 III, 3, 2166
  • Ha!
  • Ha!
  • Patroclus. I come from the worthy Achilles,--

    Thersites. Ha!

53 III, 3, 2168
  • Hum!
  • Hum!
  • Patroclus. Who most humbly desires you to invite Hector to his tent,--

    Thersites. Hum!

54 III, 3, 2170
  • Agamemnon!
  • Agamemnon!
  • Patroclus. And to procure safe-conduct from Agamemnon.

    Thersites. Agamemnon!

55 III, 3, 2172
  • Ha!
  • Ha!
  • Patroclus. Ay, my lord.

    Thersites. Ha!

56 III, 3, 2174
  • God b' wi' you, with all my heart.
  • God b' wi' you, with all my heart.
  • Patroclus. What say you to't?

    Thersites. God b' wi' you, with all my heart.

57 III, 3, 2176
  • If to-morrow be a fair day, by eleven o'clock it will
    go one way or other: h...
  • If to-morrow be a fair day, by eleven o'clock it will
    go one way or other: howsoever, he shall pay for me
    ere he has me.
  • Patroclus. Your answer, sir.

    Thersites. If to-morrow be a fair day, by eleven o'clock it will
    go one way or other: howsoever, he shall pay for me
    ere he has me.

58 III, 3, 2180
  • Fare you well, with all my heart.
  • Fare you well, with all my heart.
  • Patroclus. Your answer, sir.

    Thersites. Fare you well, with all my heart.

59 III, 3, 2182
  • No, but he's out o' tune thus. What music will be in
    him when Hector has kno...
  • No, but he's out o' tune thus. What music will be in
    him when Hector has knocked out his brains, I know
    not; but, I am sure, none, unless the fiddler Apollo
    get his sinews to make catlings on.
  • Achilles. Why, but he is not in this tune, is he?

    Thersites. No, but he's out o' tune thus. What music will be in
    him when Hector has knocked out his brains, I know
    not; but, I am sure, none, unless the fiddler Apollo
    get his sinews to make catlings on.

60 III, 3, 2187
  • Let me bear another to his horse; for that's the more
    capable creature.
  • Let me bear another to his horse; for that's the more
    capable creature.
  • Achilles. Come, thou shalt bear a letter to him straight.

    Thersites. Let me bear another to his horse; for that's the more
    capable creature.

61 III, 3, 2192
  • Would the fountain of your mind were clear again,
    that I might water an ass...
  • Would the fountain of your mind were clear again,
    that I might water an ass at it! I had rather be a
    tick in a sheep than such a valiant ignorance.
  • (stage directions). [Exeunt ACHILLES and PATROCLUS]

    Thersites. Would the fountain of your mind were clear again,
    that I might water an ass at it! I had rather be a
    tick in a sheep than such a valiant ignorance.

62 V, 1, 2937
  • Why, thou picture of what thou seemest, and idol
    of idiot worshippers, here'...
  • Why, thou picture of what thou seemest, and idol
    of idiot worshippers, here's a letter for thee.
  • Achilles. How now, thou core of envy!
    Thou crusty batch of nature, what's the news?

    Thersites. Why, thou picture of what thou seemest, and idol
    of idiot worshippers, here's a letter for thee.

63 V, 1, 2940
  • Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy.
  • Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy.
  • Achilles. From whence, fragment?

    Thersites. Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy.

64 V, 1, 2942
  • The surgeon's box, or the patient's wound.
  • The surgeon's box, or the patient's wound.
  • Patroclus. Who keeps the tent now?

    Thersites. The surgeon's box, or the patient's wound.

65 V, 1, 2944
  • Prithee, be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk:
    thou art thought to be Ac...
  • Prithee, be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk:
    thou art thought to be Achilles' male varlet.
  • Patroclus. Well said, adversity! and what need these tricks?

    Thersites. Prithee, be silent, boy; I profit not by thy talk:
    thou art thought to be Achilles' male varlet.

66 V, 1, 2947
  • Why, his masculine whore. Now, the rotten diseases
    of the south, the guts-gr...
  • Why, his masculine whore. Now, the rotten diseases
    of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures, catarrhs,
    loads o' gravel i' the back, lethargies, cold
    palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing
    lungs, bladders full of imposthume, sciaticas,
    limekilns i' the palm, incurable bone-ache, and the
    rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take
    again such preposterous discoveries!
  • Patroclus. Male varlet, you rogue! what's that?

    Thersites. Why, his masculine whore. Now, the rotten diseases
    of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures, catarrhs,
    loads o' gravel i' the back, lethargies, cold
    palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing
    lungs, bladders full of imposthume, sciaticas,
    limekilns i' the palm, incurable bone-ache, and the
    rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take
    again such preposterous discoveries!

67 V, 1, 2957
  • Do I curse thee?
  • Do I curse thee?
  • Patroclus. Why thou damnable box of envy, thou, what meanest
    thou to curse thus?

    Thersites. Do I curse thee?

68 V, 1, 2960
  • No! why art thou then exasperate, thou idle
    immaterial skein of sleave-silk,...
  • No! why art thou then exasperate, thou idle
    immaterial skein of sleave-silk, thou green sarcenet
    flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal's
    purse, thou? Ah, how the poor world is pestered
    with such waterflies, diminutives of nature!
  • Patroclus. Why no, you ruinous butt, you whoreson
    indistinguishable cur, no.

    Thersites. No! why art thou then exasperate, thou idle
    immaterial skein of sleave-silk, thou green sarcenet
    flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal's
    purse, thou? Ah, how the poor world is pestered
    with such waterflies, diminutives of nature!

69 V, 1, 2966
  • Finch-egg!
  • Finch-egg!
  • Patroclus. Out, gall!

    Thersites. Finch-egg!

70 V, 1, 2979
  • With too much blood and too little brain, these two
    may run mad; but, if wit...
  • With too much blood and too little brain, these two
    may run mad; but, if with too much brain and too
    little blood they do, I'll be a curer of madmen.
    Here's Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough and one
    that loves quails; but he has not so much brain as
    earwax: and the goodly transformation of Jupiter
    there, his brother, the bull,--the primitive statue,
    and oblique memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty
    shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother's
    leg,--to what form but that he is, should wit larded
    with malice and malice forced with wit turn him to?
    To an ass, were nothing; he is both ass and ox: to
    an ox, were nothing; he is both ox and ass. To be a
    dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an
    owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would
    not care; but to be Menelaus, I would conspire
    against destiny. Ask me not, what I would be, if I
    were not Thersites; for I care not to be the louse
    of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus! Hey-day!
    spirits and fires!
    [Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES,]
    NESTOR, MENELAUS, and DIOMEDES, with lights]
  • (stage directions). [Exeunt ACHILLES and PATROCLUS]

    Thersites. With too much blood and too little brain, these two
    may run mad; but, if with too much brain and too
    little blood they do, I'll be a curer of madmen.
    Here's Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough and one
    that loves quails; but he has not so much brain as
    earwax: and the goodly transformation of Jupiter
    there, his brother, the bull,--the primitive statue,
    and oblique memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty
    shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother's
    leg,--to what form but that he is, should wit larded
    with malice and malice forced with wit turn him to?
    To an ass, were nothing; he is both ass and ox: to
    an ox, were nothing; he is both ox and ass. To be a
    dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an
    owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would
    not care; but to be Menelaus, I would conspire
    against destiny. Ask me not, what I would be, if I
    were not Thersites; for I care not to be the louse
    of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus! Hey-day!
    spirits and fires!
    [Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES,]
    NESTOR, MENELAUS, and DIOMEDES, with lights]

71 V, 1, 3014
  • Sweet draught: 'sweet' quoth 'a! sweet sink,
    sweet sewer.
  • Sweet draught: 'sweet' quoth 'a! sweet sink,
    sweet sewer.
  • Hector. Good night, sweet lord Menelaus.

    Thersites. Sweet draught: 'sweet' quoth 'a! sweet sink,
    sweet sewer.

72 V, 1, 3033
  • That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most
    unjust knave; I will no mor...
  • That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most
    unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers
    than I will a serpent when he hisses: he will spend
    his mouth, and promise, like Brabbler the hound:
    but when he performs, astronomers foretell it; it
    is prodigious, there will come some change; the sun
    borrows of the moon, when Diomed keeps his
    word. I will rather leave to see Hector, than
    not to dog him: they say he keeps a Trojan
    drab, and uses the traitor Calchas' tent: I'll
    after. Nothing but lechery! all incontinent varlets!
  • (stage directions). [Exeunt ACHILLES, HECTOR, AJAX, and NESTOR]

    Thersites. That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a most
    unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he leers
    than I will a serpent when he hisses: he will spend
    his mouth, and promise, like Brabbler the hound:
    but when he performs, astronomers foretell it; it
    is prodigious, there will come some change; the sun
    borrows of the moon, when Diomed keeps his
    word. I will rather leave to see Hector, than
    not to dog him: they say he keeps a Trojan
    drab, and uses the traitor Calchas' tent: I'll
    after. Nothing but lechery! all incontinent varlets!

73 V, 2, 3060
  • And any man may sing her, if he can take her cliff;
    she's noted.
  • And any man may sing her, if he can take her cliff;
    she's noted.
  • Ulysses. She will sing any man at first sight.

    Thersites. And any man may sing her, if he can take her cliff;
    she's noted.

74 V, 2, 3069
  • Roguery!
  • Roguery!
  • Cressida. Sweet honey Greek, tempt me no more to folly.

    Thersites. Roguery!

75 V, 2, 3074
  • A juggling trick,--to be secretly open.
  • A juggling trick,--to be secretly open.
  • Cressida. In faith, I cannot: what would you have me do?

    Thersites. A juggling trick,--to be secretly open.

76 V, 2, 3114
  • How the devil Luxury, with his fat rump and
    potato-finger, tickles these tog...
  • How the devil Luxury, with his fat rump and
    potato-finger, tickles these together! Fry, lechery, fry!
  • Troilus. Nay, stay; by Jove, I will not speak a word:
    There is between my will and all offences
    A guard of patience: stay a little while.

    Thersites. How the devil Luxury, with his fat rump and
    potato-finger, tickles these together! Fry, lechery, fry!

77 V, 2, 3126
  • Now the pledge; now, now, now!
  • Now the pledge; now, now, now!
  • (stage directions). [Re-enter CRESSIDA]

    Thersites. Now the pledge; now, now, now!

78 V, 2, 3137
  • Now she sharpens: well said, whetstone!
  • Now she sharpens: well said, whetstone!
  • Cressida. It is no matter, now I have't again.
    I will not meet with you to-morrow night:
    I prithee, Diomed, visit me no more.

    Thersites. Now she sharpens: well said, whetstone!

79 V, 2, 3170
  • Nor I, by Pluto: but that that likes not you pleases me best.
  • Nor I, by Pluto: but that that likes not you pleases me best.
  • Diomedes. I do not like this fooling.

    Thersites. Nor I, by Pluto: but that that likes not you pleases me best.

80 V, 2, 3183
  • A proof of strength she could not publish more,
    Unless she said ' My mind is...
  • A proof of strength she could not publish more,
    Unless she said ' My mind is now turn'd whore.'
  • (stage directions). [Exit]

    Thersites. A proof of strength she could not publish more,
    Unless she said ' My mind is now turn'd whore.'

81 V, 2, 3210
  • Will he swagger himself out on's own eyes?
  • Will he swagger himself out on's own eyes?
  • Troilus. Nothing at all, unless that this were she.

    Thersites. Will he swagger himself out on's own eyes?

82 V, 2, 3251
  • He'll tickle it for his concupy.
  • He'll tickle it for his concupy.
  • Troilus. Ay, Greek; and that shall be divulged well
    In characters as red as Mars his heart
    Inflamed with Venus: never did young man fancy
    With so eternal and so fix'd a soul.
    Hark, Greek: as much as I do Cressid love,
    So much by weight hate I her Diomed:
    That sleeve is mine that he'll bear on his helm;
    Were it a casque composed by Vulcan's skill,
    My sword should bite it: not the dreadful spout
    Which shipmen do the hurricano call,
    Constringed in mass by the almighty sun,
    Shall dizzy with more clamour Neptune's ear
    In his descent than shall my prompted sword
    Falling on Diomed.

    Thersites. He'll tickle it for his concupy.

83 V, 2, 3267
  • Would I could meet that rogue Diomed! I would
    croak like a raven; I would bo...
  • Would I could meet that rogue Diomed! I would
    croak like a raven; I would bode, I would bode.
    Patroclus will give me any thing for the
    intelligence of this whore: the parrot will not
    do more for an almond than he for a commodious drab.
    Lechery, lechery; still, wars and lechery; nothing
    else holds fashion: a burning devil take them!
  • (stage directions). [Exeunt TROILUS, AENEAS, and ULYSSES]

    Thersites. Would I could meet that rogue Diomed! I would
    croak like a raven; I would bode, I would bode.
    Patroclus will give me any thing for the
    intelligence of this whore: the parrot will not
    do more for an almond than he for a commodious drab.
    Lechery, lechery; still, wars and lechery; nothing
    else holds fashion: a burning devil take them!

84 V, 4, 3410
  • Now they are clapper-clawing one another; I'll go
    look on. That dissembling...
  • Now they are clapper-clawing one another; I'll go
    look on. That dissembling abominable varlets Diomed,
    has got that same scurvy doting foolish young knave's
    sleeve of Troy there in his helm: I would fain see
    them meet; that that same young Trojan ass, that
    loves the whore there, might send that Greekish
    whore-masterly villain, with the sleeve, back to the
    dissembling luxurious drab, of a sleeveless errand.
    O' the t'other side, the policy of those crafty
    swearing rascals, that stale old mouse-eaten dry
    cheese, Nestor, and that same dog-fox, Ulysses, is
    not proved worthy a blackberry: they set me up, in
    policy, that mongrel cur, Ajax, against that dog of
    as bad a kind, Achilles: and now is the cur Ajax
    prouder than the cur Achilles, and will not arm
    to-day; whereupon the Grecians begin to proclaim
    barbarism, and policy grows into an ill opinion.
    Soft! here comes sleeve, and t'other.
  • (stage directions). [Alarums: excursions. Enter THERSITES]

    Thersites. Now they are clapper-clawing one another; I'll go
    look on. That dissembling abominable varlets Diomed,
    has got that same scurvy doting foolish young knave's
    sleeve of Troy there in his helm: I would fain see
    them meet; that that same young Trojan ass, that
    loves the whore there, might send that Greekish
    whore-masterly villain, with the sleeve, back to the
    dissembling luxurious drab, of a sleeveless errand.
    O' the t'other side, the policy of those crafty
    swearing rascals, that stale old mouse-eaten dry
    cheese, Nestor, and that same dog-fox, Ulysses, is
    not proved worthy a blackberry: they set me up, in
    policy, that mongrel cur, Ajax, against that dog of
    as bad a kind, Achilles: and now is the cur Ajax
    prouder than the cur Achilles, and will not arm
    to-day; whereupon the Grecians begin to proclaim
    barbarism, and policy grows into an ill opinion.
    Soft! here comes sleeve, and t'other.

85 V, 4, 3435
  • Hold thy whore, Grecian!--now for thy whore,
    Trojan!--now the sleeve, now th...
  • Hold thy whore, Grecian!--now for thy whore,
    Trojan!--now the sleeve, now the sleeve!
  • Diomedes. Thou dost miscall retire:
    I do not fly, but advantageous care
    Withdrew me from the odds of multitude:
    Have at thee!

    Thersites. Hold thy whore, Grecian!--now for thy whore,
    Trojan!--now the sleeve, now the sleeve!

86 V, 4, 3441
  • No, no, I am a rascal; a scurvy railing knave:
    a very filthy rogue.
  • No, no, I am a rascal; a scurvy railing knave:
    a very filthy rogue.
  • Hector. What art thou, Greek? art thou for Hector's match?
    Art thou of blood and honour?

    Thersites. No, no, I am a rascal; a scurvy railing knave:
    a very filthy rogue.

87 V, 4, 3445
  • God-a-mercy, that thou wilt believe me; but a
    plague break thy neck for frig...
  • God-a-mercy, that thou wilt believe me; but a
    plague break thy neck for frightening me! What's
    become of the wenching rogues? I think they have
    swallowed one another: I would laugh at that
    miracle: yet, in a sort, lechery eats itself.
    I'll seek them.
  • (stage directions). [Exit]

    Thersites. God-a-mercy, that thou wilt believe me; but a
    plague break thy neck for frightening me! What's
    become of the wenching rogues? I think they have
    swallowed one another: I would laugh at that
    miracle: yet, in a sort, lechery eats itself.
    I'll seek them.

88 V, 7, 3568
  • The cuckold and the cuckold-maker are at it. Now,
    bull! now, dog! 'Loo, Pari...
  • The cuckold and the cuckold-maker are at it. Now,
    bull! now, dog! 'Loo, Paris, 'loo! now my double-
    henned sparrow! 'loo, Paris, 'loo! The bull has the
    game: ware horns, ho!
  • Achilles. Come here about me, you my Myrmidons;
    Mark what I say. Attend me where I wheel:
    Strike not a stroke, but keep yourselves in breath:
    And when I have the bloody Hector found,
    Empale him with your weapons round about;
    In fellest manner execute your aims.
    Follow me, sirs, and my proceedings eye:
    It is decreed Hector the great must die.
    [Exeunt]
    [Enter MENELAUS and PARIS, fighting:]
    then THERSITES]

    Thersites. The cuckold and the cuckold-maker are at it. Now,
    bull! now, dog! 'Loo, Paris, 'loo! now my double-
    henned sparrow! 'loo, Paris, 'loo! The bull has the
    game: ware horns, ho!

89 V, 7, 3575
  • What art thou?
  • What art thou?
  • Margarelon. Turn, slave, and fight.

    Thersites. What art thou?

90 V, 7, 3577
  • I am a bastard too; I love bastards: I am a bastard
    begot, bastard instructe...
  • I am a bastard too; I love bastards: I am a bastard
    begot, bastard instructed, bastard in mind, bastard
    in valour, in every thing illegitimate. One bear will
    not bite another, and wherefore should one bastard?
    Take heed, the quarrel's most ominous to us: if the
    son of a whore fight for a whore, he tempts judgment:
    farewell, bastard.
  • Margarelon. A bastard son of Priam's.

    Thersites. I am a bastard too; I love bastards: I am a bastard
    begot, bastard instructed, bastard in mind, bastard
    in valour, in every thing illegitimate. One bear will
    not bite another, and wherefore should one bastard?
    Take heed, the quarrel's most ominous to us: if the
    son of a whore fight for a whore, he tempts judgment:
    farewell, bastard.

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