History of Henry IV, Part II (1597-8)

Intro
Title Variant: The Second Part of Henry the Fourth
Online Critical Edition in Progress - Version 1.a.
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Act II, Scene 1

London. A street

Hostess Quickly
Master Fang, have you ent'red the action?

Fang
It is ent'red.

Hostess Quickly
Where's your yeoman? Is't a lusty yeoman? Will 'a
to't?

Fang
Sirrah, where's Snare?

Hostess Quickly
O Lord, ay! good Master Snare.

Snare
Here, here.

Fang
Snare, we must arrest Sir John Falstaff.

Hostess Quickly
Yea, good Master Snare; I have ent'red him and all.

Snare
It may chance cost some of our lives, for he will stab.

Hostess Quickly
Alas the day! take heed of him; he stabb'd me in mine
house, and that most beastly. In good faith, 'a cares not
mischief he does, if his weapon be out; he will foin like any
devil; he will spare neither man, woman, nor child.

Fang
If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust.

Hostess Quickly
No, nor I neither; I'll be at your elbow.

Fang
An I but fist him once; an 'a come but within my vice!

Hostess Quickly
I am undone by his going; I warrant you, he's an
infinitive thing upon my score. Good Master Fang, hold him
Good Master Snare, let him not scape. 'A comes continuantly
Pie-corner--saving your manhoods--to buy a saddle; and he is
indited to dinner to the Lubber's Head in Lumbert Street, to
Master Smooth's the silkman. I pray you, since my exion is
ent'red, and my case so openly known to the world, let him be
brought in to his answer. A hundred mark is a long one for a
lone woman to bear; and I have borne, and borne, and borne;
have been fubb'd off, and fubb'd off, and fubb'd off, from
day to that day, that it is a shame to be thought on. There
honesty in such dealing; unless a woman should be made an ass
a beast, to bear every knave's wrong.
[Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF, PAGE, and BARDOLPH]
Yonder he comes; and that arrant malmsey-nose knave,
with him. Do your offices, do your offices, Master Fang and
Master Snare; do me, do me, do me your offices.

Falstaff
How now! whose mare's dead? What's the matter?

Fang
Sir John, I arrest you at the suit of Mistress Quickly.

Falstaff
Away, varlets! Draw, Bardolph. Cut me off the
head. Throw the quean in the channel.

Hostess Quickly
Throw me in the channel! I'll throw thee in the
Wilt thou? wilt thou? thou bastardly rogue! Murder, murder!
thou honeysuckle villain! wilt thou kill God's officers and
King's? Ah, thou honey-seed rogue! thou art a honey-seed; a
man-queller and a woman-queller.

Falstaff
Keep them off, Bardolph.

Fang
A rescue! a rescue!

Hostess Quickly
Good people, bring a rescue or two. Thou wot, wot
thou wot, wot ta? Do, do, thou rogue! do, thou hemp-seed!

Page
Away, you scullion! you rampallian! you fustilarian!
I'll tickle your catastrophe.

Lord Chief Justice
What is the matter? Keep the peace here, ho!

Hostess Quickly
Good my lord, be good to me. I beseech you, stand to

Lord Chief Justice
How now, Sir John! what, are you brawling here?
Doth this become your place, your time, and business?
You should have been well on your way to York.
Stand from him, fellow; wherefore hang'st thou upon him?

Hostess Quickly
O My most worshipful lord, an't please your Grace, I
poor widow of Eastcheap, and he is arrested at my suit.

Lord Chief Justice
For what sum?

Hostess Quickly
It is more than for some, my lord; it is for all--all
have. He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all
substance into that fat belly of his. But I will have some of
out again, or I will ride thee a nights like a mare.

Falstaff
I think I am as like to ride the mare, if I have any
vantage of ground to get up.

Lord Chief Justice
How comes this, Sir John? Fie! What man of good
temper would endure this tempest of exclamation? Are you not
ashamed to enforce a poor widow to so rough a course to come
her own?

Falstaff
What is the gross sum that I owe thee?

Hostess Quickly
Marry, if thou wert an honest man, thyself and the
too. Thou didst swear to me upon a parcel-gilt goblet,
my Dolphin chamber, at the round table, by a sea-coal fire,
Wednesday in Wheeson week, when the Prince broke thy head for
liking his father to singing-man of Windsor--thou didst swear
me then, as I was washing thy wound, to marry me and make me
lady thy wife. Canst thou deny it? Did not goodwife Keech,
butcher's wife, come in then and call me gossip Quickly?
in to borrow a mess of vinegar, telling us she had a good
prawns, whereby thou didst desire to eat some, whereby I told
thee they were ill for green wound? And didst thou not, when
was gone down stairs, desire me to be no more so familiarity
such poor people, saying that ere long they should call me
And didst thou not kiss me, and bid me fetch the thirty
shillings? I put thee now to thy book-oath. Deny it, if thou
canst.

Falstaff
My lord, this is a poor mad soul, and she says up and
down the town that her eldest son is like you. She hath been
good case, and, the truth is, poverty hath distracted her.
for these foolish officers, I beseech you I may have redress
against them.

Lord Chief Justice
Sir John, Sir John, I am well acquainted with
manner of wrenching the true cause the false way. It is not a
confident brow, nor the throng of words that come with such
than impudent sauciness from you, can thrust me from a level
consideration. You have, as it appears to me, practis'd upon
easy yielding spirit of this woman, and made her serve your
both in purse and in person.

Hostess Quickly
Yea, in truth, my lord.

Lord Chief Justice
Pray thee, peace. Pay her the debt you owe her,
unpay the villainy you have done with her; the one you may do
with sterling money, and the other with current repentance.

Falstaff
My lord, I will not undergo this sneap without reply.
call honourable boldness impudent sauciness; if a man will
curtsy and say nothing, he is virtuous. No, my lord, my
duty rememb'red, I will not be your suitor. I say to you I do
desire deliverance from these officers, being upon hasty
employment in the King's affairs.

Lord Chief Justice
You speak as having power to do wrong; but
th' effect of your reputation, and satisfy the poor woman.

Falstaff
Come hither, hostess.

Lord Chief Justice
Now, Master Gower, what news?

Gower
The King, my lord, and Harry Prince of Wales
Are near at hand. The rest the paper tells. [Gives a letter]

Falstaff
As I am a gentleman!

Hostess Quickly
Faith, you said so before.

Falstaff
As I am a gentleman! Come, no more words of it.

Hostess Quickly
By this heavenly ground I tread on, I must be fain to
both my plate and the tapestry of my dining-chambers.

Falstaff
Glasses, glasses, is the only drinking; and for thy
walls, a pretty slight drollery, or the story of the
the German hunting, in water-work, is worth a thousand of
bed-hangers and these fly-bitten tapestries. Let it be ten
if thou canst. Come, and 'twere not for thy humours, there's
a better wench in England. Go, wash thy face, and draw the
action. Come, thou must not be in this humour with me; dost
know me? Come, come, I know thou wast set on to this.

Hostess Quickly
Pray thee, Sir John, let it be but twenty nobles;
i' faith, I am loath to pawn my plate, so God save me, la!

Falstaff
Let it alone; I'll make other shift. You'll be a fool
still.

Hostess Quickly
Well, you shall have it, though I pawn my gown.
I hope you'll come to supper. you'll pay me all together?

Falstaff
Will I live? [To BARDOLPH] Go, with her, with her;
on, hook on.

Hostess Quickly
Will you have Doll Tearsheet meet you at supper?

Falstaff
No more words; let's have her.

Lord Chief Justice
I have heard better news.

Falstaff
What's the news, my lord?

Lord Chief Justice
Where lay the King to-night?

Gower
At Basingstoke, my lord.

Falstaff
I hope, my lord, all's well. What is the news, my

Lord Chief Justice
Come all his forces back?

Gower
No; fifteen hundred foot, five hundred horse,
Are march'd up to my Lord of Lancaster,
Against Northumberland and the Archbishop.

Falstaff
Comes the King back from Wales, my noble lord?

Lord Chief Justice
You shall have letters of me presently.
Come, go along with me, good Master Gower.

Falstaff
My lord!

Lord Chief Justice
What's the matter?

Falstaff
Master Gower, shall I entreat you with me to dinner?

Gower
I must wait upon my good lord here, I thank you, good
John.

Lord Chief Justice
Sir John, you loiter here too long, being you
take soldiers up in counties as you go.

Falstaff
Will you sup with me, Master Gower?

Lord Chief Justice
What foolish master taught you these manners,
John?

Falstaff
Master Gower, if they become me not, he was a fool
taught them me. This is the right fencing grace, my lord; tap
tap, and so part fair.

Lord Chief Justice
Now, the Lord lighten thee! Thou art a great

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