Love's Labour's Lost (1593-5)

Intro
Online Critical Edition in Progress - Version 1.a.
Shakespeare Network - https://shakespearenetwork.net/

Act III, Scene 1

The same.

[Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO and MOTH]

764

Don Adriano de Armado Warble, child; make passionate my sense of hearing.

765

Moth Concolinel.

766

[Singing]

767

Don Adriano de Armado Sweet air! Go, tenderness of years; take this key,
give enlargement to the swain, bring him festinately
hither: I must employ him in a letter to my love.

768

Moth Master, will you win your love with a French brawl?

771

Don Adriano de Armado How meanest thou? brawling in French?

772

Moth No, my complete master: but to jig off a tune at
the tongue's end, canary to it with your feet, humour
it with turning up your eyelids, sigh a note and
sing a note, sometime through the throat, as if you
swallowed love with singing love, sometime through
the nose, as if you snuffed up love by smelling
love; with your hat penthouse-like o'er the shop of
your eyes; with your arms crossed on your thin-belly
doublet like a rabbit on a spit; or your hands in
your pocket like a man after the old painting; and
keep not too long in one tune, but a snip and away.
These are complements, these are humours; these
betray nice wenches, that would be betrayed without
these; and make them men of note--do you note
me?--that most are affected to these.

773

Don Adriano de Armado How hast thou purchased this experience?

788

Moth By my penny of observation.

789

Don Adriano de Armado But O,--but O,--

790

Moth 'The hobby-horse is forgot.'

791

Don Adriano de Armado Callest thou my love 'hobby-horse'?

792

Moth No, master; the hobby-horse is but a colt, and your
love perhaps a hackney. But have you forgot your love?

793

Moth Negligent student! learn her by heart.

796

Don Adriano de Armado By heart and in heart, boy.

797

Moth And out of heart, master: all those three I will prove.

798

Don Adriano de Armado What wilt thou prove?

799

Moth A man, if I live; and this, by, in, and without, upon
the instant: by heart you love her, because your
heart cannot come by her; in heart you love her,
because your heart is in love with her; and out of
heart you love her, being out of heart that you
cannot enjoy her.

800

Don Adriano de Armado I am all these three.

806

Moth And three times as much more, and yet nothing at
all.

807

Don Adriano de Armado Fetch hither the swain: he must carry me a letter.

809

Moth A message well sympathized; a horse to be ambassador
for an ass.

810

Don Adriano de Armado Ha, ha! what sayest thou?

812

Moth Marry, sir, you must send the ass upon the horse,
for he is very slow-gaited. But I go.

813

Don Adriano de Armado The way is but short: away!

815

Moth As swift as lead, sir.

816

Don Adriano de Armado The meaning, pretty ingenious?
Is not lead a metal heavy, dull, and slow?

817

Moth Minime, honest master; or rather, master, no.

819

Don Adriano de Armado I say lead is slow.

820

Moth You are too swift, sir, to say so:
Is that lead slow which is fired from a gun?

821

Don Adriano de Armado Sweet smoke of rhetoric!
He reputes me a cannon; and the bullet, that's he:
I shoot thee at the swain.

823

Moth Thump then and I flee.

826

[Exit]

827

Don Adriano de Armado A most acute juvenal; voluble and free of grace!
By thy favour, sweet welkin, I must sigh in thy face:
Most rude melancholy, valour gives thee place.
My herald is return'd.

828

[Re-enter MOTH with COSTARD]

832

Moth A wonder, master! here's a costard broken in a shin.

833

Don Adriano de Armado Some enigma, some riddle: come, thy l'envoy; begin.

834

Costard No enigma, no riddle, no l'envoy; no salve in the
mail, sir: O, sir, plantain, a plain plantain! no
l'envoy, no l'envoy; no salve, sir, but a plantain!

835

Don Adriano de Armado By virtue, thou enforcest laughter; thy silly
thought my spleen; the heaving of my lungs provokes
me to ridiculous smiling. O, pardon me, my stars!
Doth the inconsiderate take salve for l'envoy, and
the word l'envoy for a salve?

838

Moth Do the wise think them other? is not l'envoy a salve?

843

Don Adriano de Armado No, page: it is an epilogue or discourse, to make plain
Some obscure precedence that hath tofore been sain.
I will example it:
The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee,
Were still at odds, being but three.
There's the moral. Now the l'envoy.

844

Moth I will add the l'envoy. Say the moral again.

850

Don Adriano de Armado The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee,
Were still at odds, being but three.

851

Moth Until the goose came out of door,
And stay'd the odds by adding four.
Now will I begin your moral, and do you follow with
my l'envoy.
The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee,
Were still at odds, being but three.

853

Don Adriano de Armado Until the goose came out of door,
Staying the odds by adding four.

859

Moth A good l'envoy, ending in the goose: would you
desire more?

861

Costard The boy hath sold him a bargain, a goose, that's flat.
Sir, your pennyworth is good, an your goose be fat.
To sell a bargain well is as cunning as fast and loose:
Let me see; a fat l'envoy; ay, that's a fat goose.

863

Don Adriano de Armado Come hither, come hither. How did this argument begin?

867

Moth By saying that a costard was broken in a shin.
Then call'd you for the l'envoy.

868

Costard True, and I for a plantain: thus came your
argument in;
Then the boy's fat l'envoy, the goose that you bought;
And he ended the market.

870

Don Adriano de Armado But tell me; how was there a costard broken in a shin?

874

Moth I will tell you sensibly.

875

Costard Thou hast no feeling of it, Moth: I will speak that l'envoy:
I Costard, running out, that was safely within,
Fell over the threshold and broke my shin.

876

Don Adriano de Armado We will talk no more of this matter.

879

Costard Till there be more matter in the shin.

880

Don Adriano de Armado Sirrah Costard, I will enfranchise thee.

881

Costard O, marry me to one Frances: I smell some l'envoy,
some goose, in this.

882

Don Adriano de Armado By my sweet soul, I mean setting thee at liberty,
enfreedoming thy person; thou wert immured,
restrained, captivated, bound.

884

Costard True, true; and now you will be my purgation and let me loose.

887

Don Adriano de Armado I give thee thy liberty, set thee from durance; and,
in lieu thereof, impose on thee nothing but this:
bear this significant
[Giving a letter]
to the country maid Jaquenetta:
there is remuneration; for the best ward of mine
honour is rewarding my dependents. Moth, follow.

888

[Exit]

895

Moth Like the sequel, I. Signior Costard, adieu.

896

Costard My sweet ounce of man's flesh! my incony Jew!
[Exit MOTH]
Now will I look to his remuneration. Remuneration!
O, that's the Latin word for three farthings: three
farthings--remuneration.--'What's the price of this
inkle?'--'One penny.'--'No, I'll give you a
remuneration:' why, it carries it. Remuneration!
why, it is a fairer name than French crown. I will
never buy and sell out of this word.

897

[Enter BIRON]

906

Biron O, my good knave Costard! exceedingly well met.

907

Costard Pray you, sir, how much carnation ribbon may a man
buy for a remuneration?

908

Biron What is a remuneration?

910

Costard Marry, sir, halfpenny farthing.

911

Biron Why, then, three-farthing worth of silk.

912

Costard I thank your worship: God be wi' you!

913

Biron Stay, slave; I must employ thee:
As thou wilt win my favour, good my knave,
Do one thing for me that I shall entreat.

914

Costard When would you have it done, sir?

917

Biron This afternoon.

918

Costard Well, I will do it, sir: fare you well.

919

Biron Thou knowest not what it is.

920

Costard I shall know, sir, when I have done it.

921

Biron Why, villain, thou must know first.

922

Costard I will come to your worship to-morrow morning.

923

Biron It must be done this afternoon.
Hark, slave, it is but this:
The princess comes to hunt here in the park,
And in her train there is a gentle lady;
When tongues speak sweetly, then they name her name,
And Rosaline they call her: ask for her;
And to her white hand see thou do commend
This seal'd-up counsel. There's thy guerdon; go.

924

[Giving him a shilling]

932

Costard Gardon, O sweet gardon! better than remuneration,
a'leven-pence farthing better: most sweet gardon! I
will do it sir, in print. Gardon! Remuneration!

933

[Exit]

936

Biron And I, forsooth, in love! I, that have been love's whip;
A very beadle to a humorous sigh;
A critic, nay, a night-watch constable;
A domineering pedant o'er the boy;
Than whom no mortal so magnificent!
This whimpled, whining, purblind, wayward boy;
This senior-junior, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid;
Regent of love-rhymes, lord of folded arms,
The anointed sovereign of sighs and groans,
Liege of all loiterers and malcontents,
Dread prince of plackets, king of codpieces,
Sole imperator and great general
Of trotting 'paritors:--O my little heart:--
And I to be a corporal of his field,
And wear his colours like a tumbler's hoop!
What, I! I love! I sue! I seek a wife!
A woman, that is like a German clock,
Still a-repairing, ever out of frame,
And never going aright, being a watch,
But being watch'd that it may still go right!
Nay, to be perjured, which is worst of all;
And, among three, to love the worst of all;
A wightly wanton with a velvet brow,
With two pitch-balls stuck in her face for eyes;
Ay, and by heaven, one that will do the deed
Though Argus were her eunuch and her guard:
And I to sigh for her! to watch for her!
To pray for her! Go to; it is a plague
That Cupid will impose for my neglect
Of his almighty dreadful little might.
Well, I will love, write, sigh, pray, sue and groan:
Some men must love my lady and some Joan.

937

[Exit]

969
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