The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet (Act 2, Scene 4)

[Enter BENVOLIO and MERCUTIO]

1158

Mercutio Where the devil should this Romeo be?
Came he not home to-night?

1159

Benvolio Not to his father's; I spoke with his man.

1161

Mercutio Ah, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline.
Torments him so, that he will sure run mad.

1162

Benvolio Tybalt, the kinsman of old Capulet,
Hath sent a letter to his father's house.

1164

Mercutio A challenge, on my life.

1166

Benvolio Romeo will answer it.

1167

Mercutio Any man that can write may answer a letter.

1168

Benvolio Nay, he will answer the letter's master, how he
dares, being dared.

1169

Mercutio Alas poor Romeo! he is already dead; stabbed with a
white wench's black eye; shot through the ear with a
love-song; the very pin of his heart cleft with the
blind bow-boy's butt-shaft: and is he a man to
encounter Tybalt?

1171

Benvolio Why, what is Tybalt?

1176

Mercutio More than prince of cats, I can tell you. O, he is
the courageous captain of compliments. He fights as
you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and
proportion; rests me his minim rest, one, two, and
the third in your bosom: the very butcher of a silk
button, a duellist, a duellist; a gentleman of the
very first house, of the first and second cause:
ah, the immortal passado! the punto reverso! the
hai!

1177

Benvolio The what?

1186

Mercutio The pox of such antic, lisping, affecting
fantasticoes; these new tuners of accents! 'By Jesu,
a very good blade! a very tall man! a very good
whore!' Why, is not this a lamentable thing,
grandsire, that we should be thus afflicted with
these strange flies, these fashion-mongers, these
perdona-mi's, who stand so much on the new form,
that they cannot at ease on the old bench? O, their
bones, their bones!

1187

[Enter ROMEO]

1196

Benvolio Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo.

1197

Mercutio Without his roe, like a dried herring: flesh, flesh,
how art thou fishified! Now is he for the numbers
that Petrarch flowed in: Laura to his lady was but a
kitchen-wench; marry, she had a better love to
be-rhyme her; Dido a dowdy; Cleopatra a gipsy;
Helen and Hero hildings and harlots; Thisbe a grey
eye or so, but not to the purpose. Signior
Romeo, bon jour! there's a French salutation
to your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit
fairly last night.

1198

Romeo Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?

1208

Mercutio The ship, sir, the slip; can you not conceive?

1209

Romeo Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was great; and in
such a case as mine a man may strain courtesy.

1210

Mercutio That's as much as to say, such a case as yours
constrains a man to bow in the hams.

1212

Romeo Meaning, to court'sy.

1214

Mercutio Thou hast most kindly hit it.

1215

Romeo A most courteous exposition.

1216

Mercutio Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy.

1217

Romeo Pink for flower.

1218

Mercutio Right.

1219

Romeo Why, then is my pump well flowered.

1220

Mercutio Well said: follow me this jest now till thou hast
worn out thy pump, that when the single sole of it
is worn, the jest may remain after the wearing sole singular.

1221

Romeo O single-soled jest, solely singular for the
singleness.

1224

Mercutio Come between us, good Benvolio; my wits faint.

1226

Romeo Switch and spurs, switch and spurs; or I'll cry a match.

1227

Mercutio Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I have
done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of
thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five:
was I with you there for the goose?

1228

Romeo Thou wast never with me for any thing when thou wast
not there for the goose.

1232

Mercutio I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.

1234

Romeo Nay, good goose, bite not.

1235

Mercutio Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting; it is a most
sharp sauce.

1236

Romeo And is it not well served in to a sweet goose?

1238

Mercutio O here's a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an
inch narrow to an ell broad!

1239

Romeo I stretch it out for that word 'broad;' which added
to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose.

1241

Mercutio Why, is not this better now than groaning for love?
now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo; now art
thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature:
for this drivelling love is like a great natural,
that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole.

1243

Benvolio Stop there, stop there.

1248

Mercutio Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair.

1249

Benvolio Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large.

1250

Mercutio O, thou art deceived; I would have made it short:
for I was come to the whole depth of my tale; and
meant, indeed, to occupy the argument no longer.

1251

Romeo Here's goodly gear!

1254

[Enter Nurse and PETER]

1255

Mercutio A sail, a sail!

1256

Benvolio Two, two; a shirt and a smock.

1257

Nurse Peter!

1258

Peter Anon!

1259

Nurse My fan, Peter.

1260

Mercutio Good Peter, to hide her face; for her fan's the
fairer face.

1261

Nurse God ye good morrow, gentlemen.

1263

Mercutio God ye good den, fair gentlewoman.

1264

Nurse Is it good den?

1265

Mercutio 'Tis no less, I tell you, for the bawdy hand of the
dial is now upon the prick of noon.

1266

Nurse Out upon you! what a man are you!

1268

Romeo One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to
mar.

1269

Nurse By my troth, it is well said; 'for himself to mar,'
quoth a'? Gentlemen, can any of you tell me where I
may find the young Romeo?

1271

Romeo I can tell you; but young Romeo will be older when
you have found him than he was when you sought him:
I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a worse.

1274

Nurse You say well.

1277

Mercutio Yea, is the worst well? very well took, i' faith;
wisely, wisely.

1278

Nurse if you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with
you.

1280

Benvolio She will indite him to some supper.

1282

Mercutio A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! so ho!

1283

Romeo What hast thou found?

1284

Mercutio No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie,
that is something stale and hoar ere it be spent.
[Sings]
An old hare hoar,
And an old hare hoar,
Is very good meat in lent
But a hare that is hoar
Is too much for a score,
When it hoars ere it be spent.
Romeo, will you come to your father's? we'll
to dinner, thither.

1285

Romeo I will follow you.

1296

Mercutio Farewell, ancient lady; farewell,
[Singing]
'lady, lady, lady.'

1297

[Exeunt MERCUTIO and BENVOLIO]

1300

Nurse Marry, farewell! I pray you, sir, what saucy
merchant was this, that was so full of his ropery?

1301

Romeo A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear himself talk,
and will speak more in a minute than he will stand
to in a month.

1303

Nurse An a' speak any thing against me, I'll take him
down, an a' were lustier than he is, and twenty such
Jacks; and if I cannot, I'll find those that shall.
Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am
none of his skains-mates. And thou must stand by
too, and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure?

1306

Peter I saw no man use you a pleasure; if I had, my weapon
should quickly have been out, I warrant you: I dare
draw as soon as another man, if I see occasion in a
good quarrel, and the law on my side.

1312

Nurse Now, afore God, I am so vexed, that every part about
me quivers. Scurvy knave! Pray you, sir, a word:
and as I told you, my young lady bade me inquire you
out; what she bade me say, I will keep to myself:
but first let me tell ye, if ye should lead her into
a fool's paradise, as they say, it were a very gross
kind of behavior, as they say: for the gentlewoman
is young; and, therefore, if you should deal double
with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered
to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing.

1316

Romeo Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I
protest unto thee--

1326

Nurse Good heart, and, i' faith, I will tell her as much:
Lord, Lord, she will be a joyful woman.

1328

Romeo What wilt thou tell her, nurse? thou dost not mark me.

1330

Nurse I will tell her, sir, that you do protest; which, as
I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.

1331

Romeo Bid her devise
Some means to come to shrift this afternoon;
And there she shall at Friar Laurence' cell
Be shrived and married. Here is for thy pains.

1333

Nurse No truly sir; not a penny.

1337

Romeo Go to; I say you shall.

1338

Nurse This afternoon, sir? well, she shall be there.

1339

Romeo And stay, good nurse, behind the abbey wall:
Within this hour my man shall be with thee
And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair;
Which to the high top-gallant of my joy
Must be my convoy in the secret night.
Farewell; be trusty, and I'll quit thy pains:
Farewell; commend me to thy mistress.

1340

Nurse Now God in heaven bless thee! Hark you, sir.

1347

Romeo What say'st thou, my dear nurse?

1348

Nurse Is your man secret? Did you ne'er hear say,
Two may keep counsel, putting one away?

1349

Romeo I warrant thee, my man's as true as steel.

1351

Nurse Well, sir; my mistress is the sweetest lady--Lord,
Lord! when 'twas a little prating thing:--O, there
is a nobleman in town, one Paris, that would fain
lay knife aboard; but she, good soul, had as lief
see a toad, a very toad, as see him. I anger her
sometimes and tell her that Paris is the properer
man; but, I'll warrant you, when I say so, she looks
as pale as any clout in the versal world. Doth not
rosemary and Romeo begin both with a letter?

1352

Romeo Ay, nurse; what of that? both with an R.

1361

Nurse Ah. mocker! that's the dog's name; R is for
the--No; I know it begins with some other
letter:--and she hath the prettiest sententious of
it, of you and rosemary, that it would do you good
to hear it.

1362

Romeo Commend me to thy lady.

1367

Nurse Ay, a thousand times.
[Exit Romeo]
Peter!

1368

Peter Anon!

1371

Nurse Peter, take my fan, and go before and apace.

1372

[Exeunt]

1373

The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet (1594-5)

Act II, Scene 4

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