Troilus and Cressida (1602-3)


Act I, Scene 2

The Same. A street.

[Enter CRESSIDA and ALEXANDER]

152

Cressida Who were those went by?

153

Alexander Queen Hecuba and Helen.

154

Cressida And whither go they?

155

Alexander Up to the eastern tower,
Whose height commands as subject all the vale,
To see the battle. Hector, whose patience
Is, as a virtue, fix'd, to-day was moved:
He chid Andromache and struck his armourer,
And, like as there were husbandry in war,
Before the sun rose he was harness'd light,
And to the field goes he; where every flower
Did, as a prophet, weep what it foresaw
In Hector's wrath.

156

Cressida What was his cause of anger?

166

Alexander The noise goes, this: there is among the Greeks
A lord of Trojan blood, nephew to Hector;
They call him Ajax.

167

Cressida Good; and what of him?

170

Alexander They say he is a very man per se,
And stands alone.

171

Cressida So do all men, unless they are drunk, sick, or have no legs.

173

Alexander This man, lady, hath robbed many beasts of their
particular additions; he is as valiant as the lion,
churlish as the bear, slow as the elephant: a man
into whom nature hath so crowded humours that his
valour is crushed into folly, his folly sauced with
discretion: there is no man hath a virtue that he
hath not a glimpse of, nor any man an attaint but he
carries some stain of it: he is melancholy without
cause, and merry against the hair: he hath the
joints of every thing, but everything so out of joint
that he is a gouty Briareus, many hands and no use,
or purblind Argus, all eyes and no sight.

174

Cressida But how should this man, that makes
me smile, make Hector angry?

186

Alexander They say he yesterday coped Hector in the battle and
struck him down, the disdain and shame whereof hath
ever since kept Hector fasting and waking.

188

Cressida Who comes here?

191

Alexander Madam, your uncle Pandarus.

192

[Enter PANDARUS]

193

Cressida Hector's a gallant man.

194

Alexander As may be in the world, lady.

195

Pandarus What's that? what's that?

196

Cressida Good morrow, uncle Pandarus.

197

Pandarus Good morrow, cousin Cressid: what do you talk of?
Good morrow, Alexander. How do you, cousin? When
were you at Ilium?

198

Cressida This morning, uncle.

201

Pandarus What were you talking of when I came? Was Hector
armed and gone ere ye came to Ilium? Helen was not
up, was she?

202

Cressida Hector was gone, but Helen was not up.

205

Pandarus Even so: Hector was stirring early.

206

Cressida That were we talking of, and of his anger.

207

Pandarus Was he angry?

208

Cressida So he says here.

209

Pandarus True, he was so: I know the cause too: he'll lay
about him to-day, I can tell them that: and there's
Troilus will not come far behind him: let them take
heed of Troilus, I can tell them that too.

210

Cressida What, is he angry too?

214

Pandarus Who, Troilus? Troilus is the better man of the two.

215

Cressida O Jupiter! there's no comparison.

216

Pandarus What, not between Troilus and Hector? Do you know a
man if you see him?

217

Cressida Ay, if I ever saw him before and knew him.

219

Pandarus Well, I say Troilus is Troilus.

220

Cressida Then you say as I say; for, I am sure, he is not Hector.

221

Pandarus No, nor Hector is not Troilus in some degrees.

222

Cressida 'Tis just to each of them; he is himself.

223

Pandarus Himself! Alas, poor Troilus! I would he were.

224

Cressida So he is.

225

Pandarus Condition, I had gone barefoot to India.

226

Cressida He is not Hector.

227

Pandarus Himself! no, he's not himself: would a' were
himself! Well, the gods are above; time must friend
or end: well, Troilus, well: I would my heart were
in her body. No, Hector is not a better man than Troilus.

228

Cressida Excuse me.

232

Pandarus He is elder.

233

Cressida Pardon me, pardon me.

234

Pandarus Th' other's not come to't; you shall tell me another
tale, when th' other's come to't. Hector shall not
have his wit this year.

235

Cressida He shall not need it, if he have his own.

238

Pandarus Nor his qualities.

239

Cressida No matter.

240

Pandarus Nor his beauty.

241

Cressida 'Twould not become him; his own's better.

242

Pandarus You have no judgment, niece: Helen
herself swore th' other day, that Troilus, for
a brown favour--for so 'tis, I must confess,--
not brown neither,--

243

Cressida No, but brown.

247

Pandarus 'Faith, to say truth, brown and not brown.

248

Cressida To say the truth, true and not true.

249

Pandarus She praised his complexion above Paris.

250

Cressida Why, Paris hath colour enough.

251

Pandarus So he has.

252

Cressida Then Troilus should have too much: if she praised
him above, his complexion is higher than his; he
having colour enough, and the other higher, is too
flaming a praise for a good complexion. I had as
lief Helen's golden tongue had commended Troilus for
a copper nose.

253

Pandarus I swear to you. I think Helen loves him better than Paris.

259

Cressida Then she's a merry Greek indeed.

260

Pandarus Nay, I am sure she does. She came to him th' other
day into the compassed window,--and, you know, he
has not past three or four hairs on his chin,--

261

Cressida Indeed, a tapster's arithmetic may soon bring his
particulars therein to a total.

264

Pandarus Why, he is very young: and yet will he, within
three pound, lift as much as his brother Hector.

266

Cressida Is he so young a man and so old a lifter?

268

Pandarus But to prove to you that Helen loves him: she came
and puts me her white hand to his cloven chin--

269

Cressida Juno have mercy! how came it cloven?

271

Pandarus Why, you know 'tis dimpled: I think his smiling
becomes him better than any man in all Phrygia.

272

Cressida O, he smiles valiantly.

274

Pandarus Does he not?

275

Cressida O yes, an 'twere a cloud in autumn.

276

Pandarus Why, go to, then: but to prove to you that Helen
loves Troilus,--

277

Cressida Troilus will stand to the proof, if you'll
prove it so.

279

Pandarus Troilus! why, he esteems her no more than I esteem
an addle egg.

281

Cressida If you love an addle egg as well as you love an idle
head, you would eat chickens i' the shell.

283

Pandarus I cannot choose but laugh, to think how she tickled
his chin: indeed, she has a marvellous white hand, I
must needs confess,--

285

Cressida Without the rack.

288

Pandarus And she takes upon her to spy a white hair on his chin.

289

Cressida Alas, poor chin! many a wart is richer.

290

Pandarus But there was such laughing! Queen Hecuba laughed
that her eyes ran o'er.

291

Cressida With mill-stones.

293

Pandarus And Cassandra laughed.

294

Cressida But there was more temperate fire under the pot of
her eyes: did her eyes run o'er too?

295

Pandarus And Hector laughed.

297

Cressida At what was all this laughing?

298

Pandarus Marry, at the white hair that Helen spied on Troilus' chin.

299

Cressida An't had been a green hair, I should have laughed
too.

300

Pandarus They laughed not so much at the hair as at his pretty answer.

302

Cressida What was his answer?

303

Pandarus Quoth she, 'Here's but two and fifty hairs on your
chin, and one of them is white.

304

Cressida This is her question.

306

Pandarus That's true; make no question of that. 'Two and
fifty hairs' quoth he, 'and one white: that white
hair is my father, and all the rest are his sons.'
'Jupiter!' quoth she, 'which of these hairs is Paris,
my husband? 'The forked one,' quoth he, 'pluck't
out, and give it him.' But there was such laughing!
and Helen so blushed, an Paris so chafed, and all the
rest so laughed, that it passed.

307

Cressida So let it now; for it has been while going by.

315

Pandarus Well, cousin. I told you a thing yesterday; think on't.

316

Cressida So I do.

317

Pandarus I'll be sworn 'tis true; he will weep you, an 'twere
a man born in April.

318

Cressida And I'll spring up in his tears, an 'twere a nettle
against May.

320

[A retreat sounded]

322

Pandarus Hark! they are coming from the field: shall we
stand up here, and see them as they pass toward
Ilium? good niece, do, sweet niece Cressida.

323

Cressida At your pleasure.

326

Pandarus Here, here, here's an excellent place; here we may
see most bravely: I'll tell you them all by their
names as they pass by; but mark Troilus above the rest.

327

Cressida Speak not so loud.

330

[AENEAS passes]

331

Pandarus That's AEneas: is not that a brave man? he's one of
the flowers of Troy, I can tell you: but mark
Troilus; you shall see anon.

332

[ANTENOR passes]

335

Cressida Who's that?

336

Pandarus That's Antenor: he has a shrewd wit, I can tell you;
and he's a man good enough, he's one o' the soundest
judgments in whosoever, and a proper man of person.
When comes Troilus? I'll show you Troilus anon: if
he see me, you shall see him nod at me.

337

Cressida Will he give you the nod?

342

Pandarus You shall see.

343

Cressida If he do, the rich shall have more.

344

[HECTOR passes]

345

Pandarus That's Hector, that, that, look you, that; there's a
fellow! Go thy way, Hector! There's a brave man,
niece. O brave Hector! Look how he looks! there's
a countenance! is't not a brave man?

346

Cressida O, a brave man!

350

Pandarus Is a' not? it does a man's heart good. Look you
what hacks are on his helmet! look you yonder, do
you see? look you there: there's no jesting;
there's laying on, take't off who will, as they say:
there be hacks!

351

Cressida Be those with swords?

356

Pandarus Swords! any thing, he cares not; an the devil come
to him, it's all one: by God's lid, it does one's
heart good. Yonder comes Paris, yonder comes Paris.
[PARIS passes]
Look ye yonder, niece; is't not a gallant man too,
is't not? Why, this is brave now. Who said he came
hurt home to-day? he's not hurt: why, this will do
Helen's heart good now, ha! Would I could see
Troilus now! You shall see Troilus anon.

357

[HELENUS passes]

366

Cressida Who's that?

367

Pandarus That's Helenus. I marvel where Troilus is. That's
Helenus. I think he went not forth to-day. That's Helenus.

368

Cressida Can Helenus fight, uncle?

370

Pandarus Helenus? no. Yes, he'll fight indifferent well. I
marvel where Troilus is. Hark! do you not hear the
people cry 'Troilus'? Helenus is a priest.

371

Cressida What sneaking fellow comes yonder?

374

[TROILUS passes]

375

Pandarus Where? yonder? that's Deiphobus. 'Tis Troilus!
there's a man, niece! Hem! Brave Troilus! the
prince of chivalry!

376

Cressida Peace, for shame, peace!

379

Pandarus Mark him; note him. O brave Troilus! Look well upon
him, niece: look you how his sword is bloodied, and
his helm more hacked than Hector's, and how he looks,
and how he goes! O admirable youth! he ne'er saw
three and twenty. Go thy way, Troilus, go thy way!
Had I a sister were a grace, or a daughter a goddess,
he should take his choice. O admirable man! Paris?
Paris is dirt to him; and, I warrant, Helen, to
change, would give an eye to boot.

380

Cressida Here come more.

389

[Forces pass]

390

Pandarus Asses, fools, dolts! chaff and bran, chaff and bran!
porridge after meat! I could live and die i' the
eyes of Troilus. Ne'er look, ne'er look: the eagles
are gone: crows and daws, crows and daws! I had
rather be such a man as Troilus than Agamemnon and
all Greece.

391

Cressida There is among the Greeks Achilles, a better man than Troilus.

397

Pandarus Achilles! a drayman, a porter, a very camel.

398

Cressida Well, well.

399

Pandarus 'Well, well!' why, have you any discretion? have
you any eyes? Do you know what a man is? Is not
birth, beauty, good shape, discourse, manhood,
learning, gentleness, virtue, youth, liberality,
and such like, the spice and salt that season a man?

400

Cressida Ay, a minced man: and then to be baked with no date
in the pie, for then the man's date's out.

405

Pandarus You are such a woman! one knows not at what ward you
lie.

407

Cressida Upon my back, to defend my belly; upon my wit, to
defend my wiles; upon my secrecy, to defend mine
honesty; my mask, to defend my beauty; and you, to
defend all these: and at all these wards I lie, at a
thousand watches.

409

Pandarus Say one of your watches.

414

Cressida Nay, I'll watch you for that; and that's one of the
chiefest of them too: if I cannot ward what I would
not have hit, I can watch you for telling how I took
the blow; unless it swell past hiding, and then it's
past watching.

415

Pandarus You are such another!

420

[Enter Troilus's Boy]

421

Boy Sir, my lord would instantly speak with you.

422

Boy At your own house; there he unarms him.

424

Pandarus Good boy, tell him I come.
[Exit boy]
I doubt he be hurt. Fare ye well, good niece.

425

Cressida Adieu, uncle.

428

Pandarus I'll be with you, niece, by and by.

429

Cressida To bring, uncle?

430

Pandarus Ay, a token from Troilus.

431

Cressida By the same token, you are a bawd.
[Exit PANDARUS]
Words, vows, gifts, tears, and love's full sacrifice,
He offers in another's enterprise;
But more in Troilus thousand fold I see
Than in the glass of Pandar's praise may be;
Yet hold I off. Women are angels, wooing:
Things won are done; joy's soul lies in the doing.
That she beloved knows nought that knows not this:
Men prize the thing ungain'd more than it is:
That she was never yet that ever knew
Love got so sweet as when desire did sue.
Therefore this maxim out of love I teach:
Achievement is command; ungain'd, beseech:
Then though my heart's content firm love doth bear,
Nothing of that shall from mine eyes appear.

432

[Exeunt]

448
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