Speeches (Lines) for Robert Shallow in "The Merry Wives of Windsor"

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Robert Shallow. Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-
chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John
Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.

Slender. In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and
'Coram.'

Robert Shallow. Ay, cousin Slender, and 'Custalourum.

Slender. Ay, and 'Rato-lorum' too; and a gentleman born,
master parson; who writes himself 'Armigero,' in any
bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, 'Armigero.'

Robert Shallow. Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three
hundred years.

Slender. All his successors gone before him hath done't; and
all his ancestors that come after him may: they may
give the dozen white luces in their coat.

Robert Shallow. It is an old coat.

Sir Hugh Evans. The dozen white louses do become an old coat well;
it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to
man, and signifies love.

Robert Shallow. The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.

Slender. I may quarter, coz.

Robert Shallow. You may, by marrying.

Sir Hugh Evans. It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.

Robert Shallow. Not a whit.

Sir Hugh Evans. Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat,
there is but three skirts for yourself, in my
simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir
John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto
you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my
benevolence to make atonements and compremises
between you.

Robert Shallow. The council shall bear it; it is a riot.

Sir Hugh Evans. It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no
fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall
desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a
riot; take your vizaments in that.

Robert Shallow. Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword
should end it.

Sir Hugh Evans. Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.

Robert Shallow. Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?

Page. I am glad to see your worships well.
I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.

Robert Shallow. Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it
your good heart! I wished your venison better; it
was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?--and I
thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.

Page. Sir, I thank you.

Robert Shallow. Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.

Slender. You'll not confess, you'll not confess.

Robert Shallow. That he will not. 'Tis your fault, 'tis your fault;
'tis a good dog.

Page. A cur, sir.

Robert Shallow. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be
more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John
Falstaff here?

Sir Hugh Evans. It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.

Robert Shallow. He hath wronged me, Master Page.

Page. Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.

Robert Shallow. If it be confessed, it is not redress'd: is not that
so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he
hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert
Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged.

Falstaff. Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the king?

Robert Shallow. Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and
broke open my lodge.

Falstaff. But not kissed your keeper's daughter?

Robert Shallow. Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.

Falstaff. I will answer it straight; I have done all this.
That is now answered.

Robert Shallow. The council shall know this.

Simple. Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice
Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight
afore Michaelmas?

Robert Shallow. Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with
you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 'twere, a
tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh
here. Do you understand me?

Slender. Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so,
I shall do that that is reason.

Robert Shallow. Nay, but understand me.

Sir Hugh Evans. But that is not the question: the question is
concerning your marriage.

Robert Shallow. Ay, there's the point, sir.

Sir Hugh Evans. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to
know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers
philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the
mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your
good will to the maid?

Robert Shallow. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?

Sir Hugh Evans. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! you must speak
possitable, if you can carry her your desires
towards her.

Robert Shallow. That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?

Slender. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your
request, cousin, in any reason.

Robert Shallow. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do
is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?

Sir Hugh Evans. It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in
the ort 'dissolutely:' the ort is, according to our
meaning, 'resolutely:' his meaning is good.

Robert Shallow. Ay, I think my cousin meant well.

Slender. Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!

Robert Shallow. Here comes fair Mistress Anne.
[Re-enter ANNE PAGE]
Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!

Anne Page. The dinner is on the table; my father desires your
worships' company.

Robert Shallow. I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.

Host. How now, bully-rook! thou'rt a gentleman.
Cavaleiro-justice, I say!

Robert Shallow. I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even and
twenty, good Master Page! Master Page, will you go
with us? we have sport in hand.

Host. Tell him, cavaleiro-justice; tell him, bully-rook.

Robert Shallow. Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh
the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor.

Host. What sayest thou, my bully-rook?

Robert Shallow. [To PAGE] Will you go with us to behold it? My
merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons;
and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places;
for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester.
Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be.

Host. My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and regress;
--said I well?--and thy name shall be Brook. It is
a merry knight. Will you go, An-heires?

Robert Shallow. Have with you, mine host.

Page. I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in
his rapier.

Robert Shallow. Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these times
you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and
I know not what: 'tis the heart, Master Page; 'tis
here, 'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long
sword I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats.

Host. Bless thee, bully doctor!

Robert Shallow. Save you, Master Doctor Caius!

Doctor Caius. I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or
seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.

Robert Shallow. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of
souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should
fight, you go against the hair of your professions.
Is it not true, Master Page?

Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great
fighter, though now a man of peace.

Robert Shallow. Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old and of
the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to
make one. Though we are justices and doctors and
churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our
youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.

Page. 'Tis true, Master Shallow.

Robert Shallow. It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor
Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of
the peace: you have showed yourself a wise
physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise
and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor.

Host. He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will
bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?

Robert Shallow. We will do it.

Sir Hugh Evans. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.

Robert Shallow. How now, master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh.
Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student
from his book, and it is wonderful.

Sir Hugh Evans. 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!

Robert Shallow. What, the sword and the word! do you study them
both, master parson?

Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike
having received wrong by some person, is at most
odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you
saw.

Robert Shallow. I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never
heard a man of his place, gravity and learning, so
wide of his own respect.

Page. I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.

Robert Shallow. [Aside] O sweet Anne Page!

Robert Shallow. [Aside] O sweet Anne Page!

Robert Shallow. It appears so by his weapons. Keep them asunder:
here comes Doctor Caius.

Page. Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.

Robert Shallow. So do you, good master doctor.

Host. Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I
politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I
lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the
motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir
Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the
no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me
thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have
deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong
places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are
whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay
their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace;
follow, follow, follow.

Robert Shallow. Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.

Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any
thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them.
Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile, as
easy as a cannon will shoot point-blank twelve
score. He pieces out his wife's inclination; he
gives her folly motion and advantage: and now she's
going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A
man may hear this shower sing in the wind. And
Falstaff's boy with her! Good plots, they are laid;
and our revolted wives share damnation together.
Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck
the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming
Mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and
wilful Actaeon; and to these violent proceedings all
my neighbours shall cry aim.
[Clock heard]
The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me
search: there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be
rather praised for this than mocked; for it is as
positive as the earth is firm that Falstaff is
there: I will go.
[Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, Host,]
SIR HUGH EVANS, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY]

Robert Shallow. [with Page and others] Well met, Master Ford.

Ford. Trust me, a good knot: I have good cheer at home;
and I pray you all go with me.

Robert Shallow. I must excuse myself, Master Ford.

Slender. And so must I, sir: we have appointed to dine with
Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for
more money than I'll speak of.

Robert Shallow. We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and
my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer.

Ford. I beseech you heartily, some of you go home with me
to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have
sport; I will show you a monster. Master doctor,
you shall go; so shall you, Master Page; and you, Sir Hugh.

Robert Shallow. Well, fare you well: we shall have the freer wooing
at Master Page's.

Anne Page. Gentle Master Fenton,
Yet seek my father's love; still seek it, sir:
If opportunity and humblest suit
Cannot attain it, why, then,--hark you hither!

Robert Shallow. Break their talk, Mistress Quickly: my kinsman shall
speak for himself.

Slender. I'll make a shaft or a bolt on't: 'slid, 'tis but
venturing.

Robert Shallow. Be not dismayed.

Mistress Quickly. And how does good Master Fenton? Pray you, a word with you.

Robert Shallow. She's coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadst a father!

Slender. I had a father, Mistress Anne; my uncle can tell you
good jests of him. Pray you, uncle, tell Mistress
Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of
a pen, good uncle.

Robert Shallow. Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you.

Slender. Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman in
Gloucestershire.

Robert Shallow. He will maintain you like a gentlewoman.

Slender. Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under the
degree of a squire.

Robert Shallow. He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure.

Anne Page. Good Master Shallow, let him woo for himself.

Robert Shallow. Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that good
comfort. She calls you, coz: I'll leave you.

Sir Hugh Evans. Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad dog!

Robert Shallow. Indeed, Master Ford, this is not well, indeed.

Page. Here's no man.

Robert Shallow. By my fidelity, this is not well, Master Ford; this
wrongs you.

Slender. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her and we have a
nay-word how to know one another: I come to her in
white, and cry 'mum;' she cries 'budget;' and by
that we know one another.

Robert Shallow. That's good too: but what needs either your 'mum'
or her 'budget?' the white will decipher her well
enough. It hath struck ten o'clock.