History of Henry IV, Part I (1596-7)

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Title Variant: The History of Henry the Fourth
Online Critical Edition in Progress - Version 1.a.
Shakespeare Network - https://shakespearenetwork.net/

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Act II, Scene 2

The highway, near Gadshill.

Edward Poins
Come, shelter, shelter: I have removed Falstaff's
horse, and he frets like a gummed velvet.

Henry V
Stand close.

Falstaff
Poins! Poins, and be hanged! Poins!

Henry V
Peace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal! what a brawling dost
thou keep!

Falstaff
Where's Poins, Hal?

Henry V
He is walked up to the top of the hill: I'll go seek him.

Falstaff
I am accursed to rob in that thief's company: the
rascal hath removed my horse, and tied him I know
not where. If I travel but four foot by the squier
further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt
not but to die a fair death for all this, if I
'scape hanging for killing that rogue. I have
forsworn his company hourly any time this two and
twenty years, and yet I am bewitched with the
rogue's company. If the rascal hath not given me
medicines to make me love him, I'll be hanged; it
could not be else: I have drunk medicines. Poins!
Hal! a plague upon you both! Bardolph! Peto!
I'll starve ere I'll rob a foot further. An 'twere
not as good a deed as drink, to turn true man and to
leave these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that
ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven
ground is threescore and ten miles afoot with me;
and the stony-hearted villains know it well enough:
a plague upon it when thieves cannot be true one to another!
[They whistle]
Whew! A plague upon you all! Give me my horse, you
rogues; give me my horse, and be hanged!

Henry V
Peace, ye fat-guts! lie down; lay thine ear close
to the ground and list if thou canst hear the tread
of travellers.

Falstaff
Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down?
'Sblood, I'll not bear mine own flesh so far afoot
again for all the coin in thy father's exchequer.
What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?

Henry V
Thou liest; thou art not colted, thou art uncolted.

Falstaff
I prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse,
good king's son.

Henry V
Out, ye rogue! shall I be your ostler?

Falstaff
Go, hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent
garters! If I be ta'en, I'll peach for this. An I
have not ballads made on you all and sung to filthy
tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison: when a jest
is so forward, and afoot too! I hate it.

Gadshill
Stand.

Falstaff
So I do, against my will.

Edward Poins
O, 'tis our setter: I know his voice. Bardolph,
what news?
money of the king's coming down the hill; 'tis going
to the king's exchequer.

Falstaff
You lie, ye rogue; 'tis going to the king's tavern.

Gadshill
There's enough to make us all.

Falstaff
To be hanged.

Henry V
Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane;
Ned Poins and I will walk lower: if they 'scape
from your encounter, then they light on us.

Peto
How many be there of them?

Gadshill
Some eight or ten.

Falstaff
'Zounds, will they not rob us?

Henry V
What, a coward, Sir John Paunch?

Falstaff
Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather;
but yet no coward, Hal.

Henry V
Well, we leave that to the proof.

Edward Poins
Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge:
when thou needest him, there thou shalt find him.
Farewell, and stand fast.

Falstaff
Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged.

Henry V
Ned, where are our disguises?

Edward Poins
Here, hard by: stand close.

Falstaff
Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I:
every man to his business.

First Traveller
Come, neighbour: the boy shall lead our horses down
the hill; we'll walk afoot awhile, and ease our legs.

Thieves
Stand!

Travellers
Jesus bless us!

Falstaff
Strike; down with them; cut the villains' throats:
ah! whoreson caterpillars! bacon-fed knaves! they
hate us youth: down with them: fleece them.

Travellers
O, we are undone, both we and ours for ever!

Falstaff
Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone? No, ye
fat chuffs: I would your store were here! On,
bacons, on! What, ye knaves! young men must live.
You are Grand-jurors, are ye? we'll jure ye, 'faith.

Henry V
The thieves have bound the true men. Now could thou
and I rob the thieves and go merrily to London, it
would be argument for a week, laughter for a month
and a good jest for ever.

Edward Poins
Stand close; I hear them coming.

Falstaff
Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse
before day. An the Prince and Poins be not two
arrant cowards, there's no equity stirring: there's
no more valour in that Poins than in a wild-duck.

Henry V
Your money!

Edward Poins
Villains!
[As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins set upon
them; they all run away; and Falstaff, after a blow
or two, runs away too, leaving the booty behind them]

Henry V
Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse:
The thieves are all scatter'd and possess'd with fear
So strongly that they dare not meet each other;
Each takes his fellow for an officer.
Away, good Ned. Falstaff sweats to death,
And lards the lean earth as he walks along:
Were 't not for laughing, I should pity him.

Edward Poins
How the rogue roar'd!

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History of Henry IV, Part I (1596-7)

Act II, Scene 2

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