by Shakespeare and George Wilkins
Date variant: 1608-9
Online Critical Edition in Progress - Version 1.c.
Shakespeare Network - https://shakespearenetwork.net/
Read & Listen - Click play and scroll down the page.
Pandar
Well, I had rather than twice the worth of her she
had ne'er come here.
Bawd
Fie, fie upon her! she's able to freeze the god
Priapus, and undo a whole generation. We must
either get her ravished, or be rid of her. When she
should do for clients her fitment, and do me the
kindness of our profession, she has me her quirks,
her reasons, her master reasons, her prayers, her
knees; that she would make a puritan of the devil,
if he should cheapen a kiss of her.
Boult
'Faith, I must ravish her, or she'll disfurnish us
of all our cavaliers, and make our swearers priests.
Pandar
Now, the pox upon her green-sickness for me!
Bawd
'Faith, there's no way to be rid on't but by the
way to the pox. Here comes the Lord Lysimachus disguised.
Boult
We should have both lord and lown, if the peevish
baggage would but give way to customers.
Boult
I am glad to see your honour in good health.
Lysimachus
You may so; 'tis the better for you that your
resorters stand upon sound legs. How now!
wholesome iniquity have you that a man may deal
withal, and defy the surgeon?
Bawd
We have here one, sir, if she would--but there never
came her like in Mytilene.
Lysimachus
If she'ld do the deed of darkness, thou wouldst say.
Bawd
Your honour knows what 'tis to say well enough.
Lysimachus
Why, the house you dwell in proclaims you to be a
creature of sale.
Marina
Do you know this house to be a place of such resort,
and will come into 't? I hear say you are of
honourable parts, and are the governor of this place.
Lysimachus
Why, hath your principal made known unto you who I am?
Lysimachus
Why, your herb-woman; she that sets seeds and roots
of shame and iniquity. O, you have heard something
of my power, and so stand aloof for more serious
wooing. But I protest to thee, pretty one, my
authority shall not see thee, or else look friendly
upon thee. Come, bring me to some private place:
come, come.
Marina
If you were born to honour, show it now;
If put upon you, make the judgment good
That thought you worthy of it.
Lysimachus
How's this? how's this? Some more; be sage.
Marina
For me,
That am a maid, though most ungentle fortune
Have placed me in this sty, where, since I came,
Diseases have been sold dearer than physic,
O, that the gods
Would set me free from this unhallow'd place,
Though they did change me to the meanest bird
That flies i' the purer air!
Lysimachus
I did not think
Thou couldst have spoke so well; ne'er dream'd thou couldst.
Had I brought hither a corrupted mind,
Thy speech had alter'd it. Hold, here's gold for thee:
Persever in that clear way thou goest,
And the gods strengthen thee!
Lysimachus
For me, be you thoughten
That I came with no ill intent; for to me
The very doors and windows savour vilely.
Fare thee well. Thou art a piece of virtue, and
I doubt not but thy training hath been noble.
Hold, here's more gold for thee.
A curse upon him, die he like a thief,
That robs thee of thy goodness! If thou dost
Hear from me, it shall be for thy good.
Lysimachus
Avaunt, thou damned door-keeper!
Your house, but for this virgin that doth prop it,
Would sink and overwhelm you. Away!
Boult
How's this? We must take another course with you.
If your peevish chastity, which is not worth a
breakfast in the cheapest country under the cope,
shall undo a whole household, let me be gelded like
a spaniel. Come your ways.
Boult
I must have your maidenhead taken off, or the common
hangman shall execute it. Come your ways. We'll
have no more gentlemen driven away. Come your ways, I say.
Bawd
She conjures: away with her! Would she had never
come within my doors! Marry, hang you! She's born
to undo us. Will you not go the way of women-kind?
Marry, come up, my dish of chastity with rosemary and bays!
Boult
Why, I could wish him to be my master, or rather, my mistress.
Marina
Neither of these are so bad as thou art,
Since they do better thee in their command.
Thou hold'st a place, for which the pained'st fiend
Of hell would not in reputation change:
Thou art the damned doorkeeper to every
Coistrel that comes inquiring for his Tib;
To the choleric fisting of every rogue
Thy ear is liable; thy food is such
As hath been belch'd on by infected lungs.
Boult
What would you have me do? go to the wars, would
you? where a man may serve seven years for the loss
of a leg, and have not money enough in the end to
buy him a wooden one?
Marina
Do any thing but this thou doest. Empty
OLD receptacles, or common shores, of filth;
Serve by indenture to the common hangman:
Any of these ways are yet better than this;
For what thou professest, a baboon, could he speak,
Would own a name too dear. O, that the gods
Would safely deliver me from this place!
Here, here's gold for thee.
If that thy master would gain by thee,
Proclaim that I can sing, weave, sew, and dance,
With other virtues, which I'll keep from boast:
And I will undertake all these to teach.
I doubt not but this populous city will
Yield many scholars.
Boult
'Faith, my acquaintance lies little amongst them.
But since my master and mistress have bought you,
there's no going but by their consent: therefore I
will make them acquainted with your purpose, and I
doubt not but I shall find them tractable enough.
Come, I'll do for thee what I can; come your ways.