The Two Noble Kinsmen (1613)

Intro

Online Critical Edition in Progress - Version 1.c.
Date variant: 1612
Shakespeare Network - https://shakespearenetwork.net/

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Act V, Scene 2

A darkened room in the prison.

DOCTOR
[Enter Doctor, Jailer, and Wooer in
the habit of Palamon.]

Has this advice I told you done any good upon her?

WOOER
O, very much. The maids that kept her company
Have half-persuaded her that I am Palamon;
Within this half-hour she came smiling to me,
And asked me what I would eat, and when I would kiss her.
I told her "Presently," and kissed her twice.

DOCTOR
'Twas well done; twenty times had been far better,
For there the cure lies mainly.

WOOER
Then she told me
She would watch with me tonight, for well she knew
What hour my fit would take me.

DOCTOR
Let her do so,
And when your fit comes, fit her home,
And presently.

WOOER
She would have me sing.

DOCTOR
You did so?

WOOER
No.

DOCTOR
'Twas very ill done, then.
You should observe her ev'ry way.

WOOER
Alas,
I have no voice, sir, to confirm her that way.

DOCTOR
That's all one, if you make a noise.
If she entreat again, do anything.
Lie with her, if she ask you.

JAILER
Ho there, doctor!

DOCTOR
Yes, in the way of cure.

JAILER
But first, by your leave,
I' th' way of honesty.

DOCTOR
That's but a niceness.
Ne'er cast your child away for honesty.
Cure her first this way; then if she will be honest,
She has the path before her.

JAILER
Thank you, doctor.

DOCTOR
Pray bring her in
And let's see how she is.

JAILER
I will, and tell her
Her Palamon stays for her. But, doctor,
Methinks you are i' th' wrong still.

[Jailer exits.]

DOCTOR
Go, go.
You fathers are fine fools. Her honesty?
And we should give her physic till we find that!

WOOER
Why, do you think she is not honest, sir?

DOCTOR
How old is she?

WOOER
She's eighteen.

DOCTOR
She may be.
But that's all one; 'tis nothing to our purpose.
Whate'er her father says, if you perceive
Her mood inclining that way that I spoke of,
Videlicet, the way of flesh--you have me?

WOOER
Yes, very well, sir.

DOCTOR
Please her appetite,
And do it home; it cures her, ipso facto,
The melancholy humor that infects her.

WOOER
I am of your mind, doctor.

DOCTOR
You'll find it so.

[Enter Jailer, Daughter, and Maid.]

She comes; pray humor her.

[Wooer and Doctor stand aside.]

JAILER
[to Daughter]
Come, your love Palamon stays for you, child,
And has done this long hour, to visit you.

DAUGHTER
I thank him for his gentle patience.
He's a kind gentleman, and I am much bound to him.
Did you ne'er see the horse he gave me?

JAILER
Yes.

DAUGHTER
How do you like him?

JAILER
He's a very fair one.

DAUGHTER
You never saw him dance?

JAILER
No.

DAUGHTER
I have, often.
He dances very finely, very comely,
And for a jig, come cut and long tail to him,
He turns you like a top.

JAILER
That's fine indeed.

DAUGHTER
He'll dance the morris twenty mile an hour,
And that will founder the best hobbyhorse,
If I have any skill, in all the parish,
And gallops to the tune of "Light o' love."
What think you of this horse?

JAILER
Having these virtues,
I think he might be brought to play at tennis.

DAUGHTER
Alas, that's nothing.

JAILER
Can he write and read too?

DAUGHTER
A very fair hand, and casts himself th' accounts
Of all his hay and provender. That hostler
Must rise betime that cozens him. You know
The chestnut mare the Duke has?

JAILER
Very well.

DAUGHTER
She is horribly in love with him, poor beast,
But he is like his master, coy and scornful.

JAILER
What dowry has she?

DAUGHTER
Some two hundred bottles,
And twenty strike of oats, but he'll ne'er have her.
He lisps in 's neighing able to entice
A miller's mare. He'll be the death of her.

Three QUEENS
[aside]
What stuff she utters!

[Wooer and Doctor come forward.]

JAILER
Make curtsy; here your love comes.

WOOER
Pretty soul,
How do you? [Daughter curtsies.]
That's a fine maid; there's a curtsy!

DAUGHTER
Yours to command i' th' way of honesty.--
How far is 't now to th' end o' th' world, my masters?

DOCTOR
Why, a day's journey, wench.

DAUGHTER
[to Wooer]
Will you go with me?

WOOER
What shall we do there, wench?

DAUGHTER
Why, play at stool-ball.
What is there else to do?

WOOER
I am content,
If we shall keep our wedding there.

DAUGHTER
'Tis true,
For there, I will assure you, we shall find
Some blind priest for the purpose, that will venture
To marry us; for here they are nice and foolish.
Besides, my father must be hanged tomorrow,
And that would be a blot i' th' business.
Are not you Palamon?

WOOER
Do not you know me?

DAUGHTER
Yes, but you care not for me; I have nothing
But this poor petticoat and two coarse smocks.

WOOER
That's all one; I will have you.

DAUGHTER
Will you surely?

WOOER
[taking her hand]
Yes, by this fair hand, will I.

DAUGHTER
We'll to bed then.

WOOER
E'en when you will.

[He kisses her.]

DAUGHTER
[wiping her face]
O , sir, you would fain be nibbling.

WOOER
Why do you rub my kiss off?

DAUGHTER
'Tis a sweet one,
And will perfume me finely against the wedding.
Is not this your cousin Arcite?

[She indicates Doctor.]

DOCTOR
Yes, sweetheart,
And I am glad my cousin Palamon
Has made so fair a choice.

DAUGHTER
Do you think he'll have me?

DOCTOR
Yes, without doubt.

DAUGHTER
[to Jailer]
Do you think so too?

JAILER
Yes.

DAUGHTER
We shall have many children.

[To Doctor.]

Lord,
how you're grown!
My Palamon, I hope, will grow too, finely,
Now he's at liberty. Alas, poor chicken,
He was kept down with hard meat and ill lodging,
But I'll kiss him up again.

[Enter a Messenger.]

DAUGHTER
What do you here? You'll lose the noblest sight
That e'er was seen.

JAILER
Are they i' th' field?

MESSENGER
They are.
You bear a charge there too.

JAILER
I'll away straight.--
I must e'en leave you here.

DOCTOR
Nay, we'll go with you.
I will not lose the sight.

JAILER
[aside to Doctor]
How did you like her?

DOCTOR
I'll warrant you, within these three or four days
I'll make her right again.

[Jailer and Messenger exit.]

[To Wooer.]
You must not from her,
But still preserve her in this way.

WOOER
I will.

DOCTOR
Let's get her in.

WOOER
Come, sweet, we'll go to dinner
And then we'll play at cards.

DAUGHTER
And shall we kiss too?

WOOER
A hundred times.

DAUGHTER
And twenty.

WOOER
Ay, and twenty.

DAUGHTER
And then we'll sleep together.

DOCTOR
[to Wooer]
Take her offer.

WOOER
Yes, marry, will we.

DAUGHTER
But you shall not hurt me.

WOOER
I will not, sweet.